I AM

It is a hard hitting movie and deals with issues we are cautious and embarrassed to discuss in public. We believe in the dictum that by closing our eyes, things will get sorted out by themselves. Modern problems are diagnosed with guts and dignity; the director should be saluted for highlighting the disturbing realities. Four characters, four stories, and four issues tied together with theme called betrayal and the personal journey called ‘identity formation’.

The movie can be analyzed from many perspectives; let me look at it from “the perspective of betrayal”.

Nandita Das: Betrayed by her husband falls into the trap of hating male species. Unusual encounter with a sperm donor brings her back to the reality and truly feels at ease with her identity.

Ethical Issue: artificial insemination

Juhi Chawla: Betrayed by the silence of neighbors, her family was forced to migrate from Kashmir. Martin Luther King said, “What we remember is not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends”.  Few days in Kashmir with her childhood friend reopens the old wound and heightens the frustration and anger, the interaction eventually helps her to reconcile and find her true self.

Ethical Issue: Terrorism

Sanjay Suri: Betrayed by the step father, becomes the victim of guilt and shame. Not able to share the issue with mother, shelters at Bangalore. Understanding and the support of his girl friend, helps him to face his mother and discusses the issue with great maturity.

Ethical Issue: Pedophilia

Rahul Bose: Betrayed by a gay partner and the police system, experiences helplessness, humiliation and anger. Pays the heavy price for hiding his sexual orientation, and reconciles with the reality and self.

Ethical Issue: Homosexuality

Journey towards identity formation is not a bed of roses but full of thorns (borrowed phrase). If we do not run away, the fire of betrayal melts false ego, the mask and reveals our identity.

All of us at some point of time might have been betrayed and also might have betrayed. We should be grateful to the people who have betrayed us; they are the devils’ advocates who take us closer to truth. Holding on to anger will betray their courageous act of betrayal. And at the same time, there is no need to burden ourselves with guilt and shame when we betray others; in fact we are waking them up from the slumber of illusion.

3 Ds

In 1960s, Annadhurai, a political leader, stormed into political scenario of Tamilnadu with the captivating slogan; ‘Duty, Dignity, and Discipline’ (Katamai, Kanniyam, Kattupatu). It captured the imagination of people and he ended up becoming the CM.

Management Gurus like Jim Accetta who are busy guiding our lives also have come with 3Ds; ‘Do, Delegate and Dump’.

Dump: list all activities you are busy with, from going to bath room to board room and dump all the activities which are useless and uninteresting.

Delegate: ask others to do the activities which are useful at the same time not interesting. The idea is why you should get bored when you can pass on the boredom to others. Also delegate the activities which can be performed by others.

Do: get into action mode towards activities which you enjoy doing, which only you can do, and which are important.

If you follow these 3Ds, they assure, we will live healthily and happily. Indeed their words of wisdom appeals to commonsense. Life is short; but if you compare your longevity with mosquitoes and house flies, then your life is not short, it is very long. You live much longer than millions of mosquitoes’ life time put together. If you compare your life time with the life time of Mount Himalaya or with some sea tortoise, you will realize how short your life is. Why to waste our short life in doing boring things. I fully agree with these management gurus.

But there is only one problem with this theory as far as my life is concerned; if I “Dump” all activities which are useless and uninteresting; then I will end up dumping all activities and left with nothing to “Do”.

Mongoose and Snake

It is amazing, why should Mongoose and Snake fight each other to death? I can understand the enmity between a cat and a rat. Rat is a delicious meal for a cat, but in case of Mongoose and snake, one does not eat the other after a daylong battle, then why can’t they love one another and live in harmony?

Human beings too have the similar trait like mongoose; seeing the snake, they have to kill them. Some of our staff can’t remain in peace if they see a snake; they become restless till the snake is killed. I can understand a Chinese or Vietnamese killing the snake since they love to make a curry out of them. But, why our people? Eve was cheated by a snake, but it is a long time ago. We should forgive and forget and move on. Why should we be in a state of war with them at present?

May be it is the fear of snake. Desmond Morris in his book Naked Apes suspects that we are genetically coded to be afraid of snakes. Personally speaking, I like snakes; their charm and movements are breathtaking. If they bite, it will certainly take away the breath. Yet I like them.

It is only after long period of time, I came to know that Mongoose and Snakes fight because they have a common prey. It is fight to have control over scarcity of food. So it is understandable, at least they are not killing and fighting with the same species to have supremacy over food.

When I read about Helen of Troy and destruction of two countries for her sake, I thought it is an imagination of Homer. But when I witnessed a fight for one girl between two boys in the colleges and universities, I was convinced that Homer is not bluffing.

In this issue, girls seems to be more matured, I have not seen two girls fighting for one boy. May be it is due to gender ratio which is in favor of girls.

Silence: the art of Persuasion

By silence, what I mean is speaking as less as possible and making statements which are as vague as possible. It is not keeping quiet and meditating.

If we think that logical explanation, statistical analysis and scientific exhortation will persuade any person to follow you, then better think again. More you speak, less effective you become. More you speak, more you reveal yourself that means your insecurities, ignorance and stupidity.

Now do you understand why professors are least effective in persuading students to bring changes in their behavior? Professors’ business is speaking, in the process they reveal so much of themselves, students run for life when they see them.

Want to be a successful swamiji or a priest? Do not write blog, keep silence, even if you are not meditating, even if you do not know what prayer is and how to pray, do not worry, people will think that you are conversing with God. Human mind enjoys interpreting others, silence is always interpreted positively (of course when you are accused, if you keep silent then different interpretation will be given). Want to be a persuasive leader? Create aura around yourself. The best way to create aura is through silence.

Henry Alfred Kissinger, German born American Diplomat, is known for speaking less and creating the maximum impact. He was a master negotiator; his negotiation with Winston Lord is worth quoting. Winston Lord submitted the report to Kissinger. After keeping the report for a day, Kissinger returned it with a note, “Is it the best offer you can make to me?” Winston Lord reworked on the report for several days and resubmitted it; again Kissinger returned it with a note, “Is it the best offer you can make to me?” Once again Winston spent days together to make more concession and gave it to Kissinger, third time also Kissinger returned the report with the note, “Is it the best offer you can make to me?” Winston Lord got wild and said, “Yes, damn it, this is best I can offer”. Kissinger took report and said, “OK, this time I will read through the report”.

Leader, who speaks a lot, will dig his own grave eventually. People will create legend about you, if you know when not to speak. Words are like supply, listening is the demand. Remember supply should never exceed the demand, if it exceeds then you are a lost case.

Frog in the well

Love for a city, or a country or religion or for that matter for any damn thing is made up of the same stuff as selfishness. If I say that I want all wealth and power, and I praise myself as the best guy in the world then I will be perceived as a selfish person, and people will have qualm in judging me negatively. But if I want the same thing for my country then I will seen as patriotic. If I want the same thing for my religion then I will be admired and labeled as a true devotee.

Look carefully, whether I want something for myself, or my country or my religion or my caste, what unifies all these proclamation is ‘MY’. I am totally preoccupied with myself only. Once I create or attach myself to a tiny part of the universe, I become a divisive element. ‘That is the root cause of all conflicts and violence’ says J.Krishnamurthy. Within us we create the division; ‘MY’ versus ‘Others’. What is inside gets realized in the outside. And unless we unify the world within oneself, we cannot even think of peace and harmony.

Why do I want to hang around with some artificial group called religion or country or city or caste etc..? I think it is fear. Fear of being alone, fear of being sensible, and fear of being normal. We love madness, misery, and muddying oneself. Human mind is so great and its power is beyond measure that it can contain the whole universe, but invariably we limit our self to a tiny, insignificant part or aspect of the mind created superficiality.

Short sightedness, narrow mindedness, and lack of openness limit our horizon and all possibilities. As a result we live life like a frog in the well. What is amazing is that the well is filled with dirt. Erick Berne is accurate in his observation of human condition; We live like a person in the cess-pool, dirty water is up to his lips yet shouting ‘I am comfortable, just do not make waves’.

Election 2011 – Tamil Nadu

 

Everyone writes political commentary, so why should I be left behind? In any case no one is able to read the collective mind of the people, let me add my opinion to increase the existing confusion and madness. One more drop will not cause any tsunami.

MGR during his time was criticized by educated public of winning the elections through gimmicks; giving midday meal to school children, and distributing pension and cloths for old people living in the villages.  If this over enlightened view were to be true reason for MGR’s unprecedented victory (his party, as long as he was alive, was never defeated in the assembly elections), then Mr.Karnanidhi too should not have been defeated at the election 2011. Mr.Karnanidhi, did successfully implemented the free gifts he promised to the people and he promised more in this election. Then how come people emphatically rejected him?

Is it corruption? MGR too was accused of corruption, and Ms.Jayalalitha was the first politician to bring glamour into corruption. And Mr.Karnanidhi (original inventor of corruption) took the corruption to another level altogether in his fifth term. You and I are not better in any way; we too give bribe if not in a big way, certainly when it comes to getting reservation in train or in getting license. Corruption is not new, our conscience is already numbed enough to tolerate any amount of corruption in private and public life.

The beauty of corruption during MGR’s regime was that ordinary people either did not believe or they were happy about it. Their reasoning was that MGR does not have any children, therefore all the money he makes legally or illegally, will be distribute to people only. Literally they saw Robin Hood in MGR when he was accused of corruption.

When MGR implemented schemes and distributed free things to poor people, it was perceived by the people positively and they attributed it to his love for them and his generosity. Mr.Karananidhi distributed free television and other things not only for the poor but also to the middle class people. Technically more people received benefits from him than MGR. But people perceived him to be a cunning politician and he is distributing not out of love but only for votes.

In case of Ms.Jeyalalitha people have shown benefit of doubt for two reasons; she still is seen as successor of MGR, and there is no viable alternation. May be the third reason is that she too like MGR without any children. How much one has to make money for his or her old age security?  Our greed goes beyond imagination because we want store money for our children and children’s children. So people must have construed that she will be better than him. May be we should make a law that only person with no children is qualified to occupy the powerful posts in the country. Then certainly I also will have a chance of becoming CM if not PM.

COLD FEET

There was a sensitive issue; it was more like catch 22 situation. If you do, you are damned; if you don’t, you are damned. All of us were hesitating to go ahead with the newly formulated policy. One of my friend who  is known for putting forward his ideas with courage and without fear was irritated with the hesitation shown by many, and said,” we show cold feet when it comes to implementation, we do not have the courage to bite the bullet”.

Hearing that statement some of us started justifying and explaining the hesitation. Quite few were apologetic and covering it up with words like that it is not hesitation but self reflection. But I was rather uncomfortable.

We are having cold feet at the last minute, because the decision is going to affect quite many people. And there is no doubt on that. According to me, having cold feet at this point of time is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign sensibility. Only machines do not suffer from cold feet syndrome. Among human beings, likes of Jake Welch and Hitler did not show cold feet. The former dismissed more than 100000 employees as soon as he took over as CEO of GE, and the latter killed more than 6 million Jews. If you ask their wives they would say without any hesitation that both were monsters.

Having cold feet because it affects people is a good sign; there is no need to be apologetic for our strength. Hesitation is the warning signal that we need to reflect more and we are acting against some of our cherished values. Too much of a certainty is a result of fanaticism and the inability to look at the whole picture. As for as biting the bullet is concerned; why to bite a bullet when there are chicken legs and mutton chops are available? Why do you encourage suicidal tendencies?

Some said we need to be consistent, but what they forget is that consistency is the virtue of donkeys; human beings think dynamically and constantly evaluate their actions.

Then, how did we solve the problem? As usual, we appointed a committee to look into the matter deeply.

Predicament and Problem

Most of us unnecessarily complicate our life by treating a predicament as a problem. The difference is real and crucial. Since both disturb the mind, we treat them similarly and get depressed needlessly.

By definition, a problem is the one which has a solution. If there is no solution, then it is not a problem, it is predicament. If we do not solve the problem, we will be in trouble. If we try to solve a predicament, then we will be in misery.

Declaring ‘nothing can be solved’ is fatalism and a sign of laziness. Proclaiming ‘nothing is impossible’ is outright stupidity and a sign of mental disorder.

For example, when a computer is not working, it is a problem because it can be solved. But if you do not like a professor’s teaching, it is not a problem, it is a predicament. If you try to solve it, you will jeopardize your situation. In the corporate, your boss is a predicament not a problem. If you try to correct him, you will cut a sorry face. Your children are not problems, they are predicament. But in case of wife or girl friends, jury is still out. Are they problem or predicament? Mystery continues…

(Written from men’s perspective, for women’s perspective change the words wife with husband and girl friend with boy friend).