Rejection

It is a powerful emotion. It makes or breaks a person eventually. Unless one has learned to handle it in a matured manner, he or she is going to live in a constant state of turmoil and shock.

People disassociate with things, places and persons that do not meet their expectation. And it is called rejection and it is a fact of life. Like it or not, we can’t dissociate with this reality. Each one of us does it, either consciously or unconsciously.  The tragic condition of human being is that we want everyone to accept us unconditionally but we want to accept others conditionally.

The worst form of rejection is the rejection from the parents, that too from one’s own mother. The second most disturbing rejection during the period of adulthood is the romantic partner changing the partner; it literally shakes the self-worth of the one at the receiving end. Of-course something also gets dismantled (or dies), may be self-esteem or one’s integrity, in the person who rejects the other (in relationship).

But rejection in the professional life is very minor in comparison with the rejection involved in relationship. The job done by you is criticized or during your talk people are talking or you are not invited for an official party or you are just denied promotion. These are all minor events with little consequences, yet many take it as a life and death issue. Once you think it is big, and then it does become big. As Milton points out that mind is the place which creates heaven of hell and hell of heaven.

In relationship the rejection is connected with the person as we are, that is why it is painful. All one can do is – feel sorry for oneself and once you get bored with this, find a new person and move on.

In professional life the rejection is connected with action, so feeling sorry for oneself is a waste of time, treat it as a feedback and improve the performance. It means constantly upgrade yourself, if someone in the organization purposely puts you down and speaks ill about you then it is not a professional rejection, it is relationship related, so follow the previous paragraph.

The last two paragraphs deals with the matured way of handling rejections. If you find it very immatured, then I will take it as professional rejection and try to improve on it.

Ducks in Heaven

I read this story long ago, and I have conveniently forgotten the source. Since you also might have read it somewhere, I am not claiming for the copy right.

Raja and Henri were two great friends, but happened to be a mortal, so one day they both died. They died not in a road accident, but in the accident called old age. Both reached heaven, the caretaker of heaven welcomed them, and introduced them to all places of heaven.

Raja was amused to see hundreds of the little ducks roaming on the street in heaven. The caretaker looked at him and said,” Guys listen carefully, these little ducks are very dear to the owner of this place. If you step on any one of these ducks, you will be punished severely. The punishment is that you will be chained to a terrible looking and unattractive woman for whole day and night.”

Friends were happy since they have to be careful about only one simple rule – beware of ducks. But as destiny would have it, one fine morning Raja stepped on a duck, it quacked so loudly, and immediately two security officers picked him up and chained him to a lady who was terrifying. Henry felt sorry for his friend, and continued his sight seeing carefully. At that point of time, security men brought a most beautiful lady and chained her with Henry. Henry was perplexed, though he was happy with this turn of event, he said, “Officers, It is OK that I am chained with this lady, but, I did not step on any duck”. The security men looked at him and said, “Boy, this punishment is not for you, it is for her, it she who has stepped over a duck”

Whenever you get something you don’t deserve, keep in mind that there is some conspiracy against you. Don’t be naïve and start thanking gods and stars. It is time for you to be alert.

Teacher

 

For a teacher to be a teacher, in my opinion, three qualities are necessary conditions and two more are sufficient conditions. (The phrase is borrowed from Aristotle, of course modified – means disfigured – beyond possible recognition and identification)

 Necessary conditions:

1. Passion for the subject he is teaching (or trying to teach)

2. Respect for oneself and students – I strongly believe that if one does not respect oneself, he can’t respect students. Respect for others devoid of respect for oneself is a display of inferiority complex, and it can’t be genuine, it will be superfluous. It is the slave’s respect for his master and waiting for the opportunity to putdown the master. 

3. Reasonable communication skill: reasonable flow of language, not having radically different pronunciation, not being too monotonous.


Sufficient conditions:
1.  A constant search for knowledge in the subject he is teaching

2.  Knowledge about students: what is their motivation, level of knowledge and their values, and what they like and interested and what puts them off instantly.

These are the qualities I have observed in teachers whom I respect. If a teacher fails to have even one from the necessary conditions, he disappears into oblivion. And they become the villains, since students inherently perceive themselves as innocent victims in the present educational system.

If sufficient conditions are also present in a teacher then he is seen larger than life (Salman Khan type, Khan in reel and not in real), otherwise he is tolerated and forgiven eventually.

If a teacher possess only the second point of the necessary conditions, and not having any other points then certainly students will give him the benefit of doubt. But I wonder why did he opt for teaching? May be it is a historical blunder, May be his vocation was designed by some unknown forces, May be it is time for him to consult either a psychiatrist or an astrologer.

I am looking for an astrologer, any recommendation?

Driving The Car

I stay at the main campus of Loyola University Maryland, but need to take a class at Columbia campus, approximately 45 minutes’ drive from the main campus. Good thing about USA is that cars are available easily, but drivers are not. Self-driving is what everyone does. XIMB has 6 vehicles and four drivers, here there are more than 30 cars but no drivers. And added to the dilemma is that there is no public transport to Columbia campus.

The department was very generous in arranging some faculties to give me the ride, then it becomes two people teaching one course. The other faculty’s time gets wasted and that does not look fair from any perspective. So the only reasonable option for me was to take the car, say a prayer and drive.

Sounds simple, but not that simple since it poses many problems:

1. Rules of driving are too different from India – we drive on the left, here people drive on the right and that does not look right, it confuses the mind and body in a mysterious way. Even in philosophy I like leftist philosophy, all of a sudden changing the side creates ethical dilemma. Since it is not a big deal making compromises as far as sides are concerned, and it is not the first time I make compromises, mentally I reprogrammed myself to accept the right side as the right side.

2. Prof.Harsha is my mentor and guide. His instruction number one was, “Do not change the lane, if you have to, then give signal and look through the side mirrors for other vehicles, then make the change”. That sounded too complicated, for a minitute I was confused whether I am driving a car or a rocket, so I decided not to change the lane, but it becomes too monotonous and I was afraid that I might go to sleep.

3. Honking is a national time-pass in India. While driving I have to press the honk, It serves two purposes – gives the vital information to other drivers that I am driving and also it reminds me that I am driving. But Prof.Harsha said that honkin is considered as a barbarian act and no one does it here unless there is a life threatening danger. Civilization is changing so fast, and I am still living in the Stone Age, need to catch up with it soon.

4. Whenever I miss the route, I stop the car on the roadside and ask for the way, once again it serves two purposes – it gives me the needed rest and interacting with other human beings rejuvenates my spirit and helps me to build network. But here at Baltimore, one sees only cars and trees, and I have not yet learned the language to communicate with them.

But despite all the above mentioned problems, I am going to drive and reach Columbia campus on coming Thursday. I do request your prayers not only for me but also for the people who will be driving at that point of time on that road.

American Beauty

The movie is situated around the life of present middle class Americans. But the message is universal and it is presented without any compromise.

The film brings home the eternal truth that looking closer at the ordinary things brings in the extraordinary experience. Meaning of relationship emerges in the acts of betrayals, and the essence of the life is tasted at the door steps of death.

‘Metanoia’ (change of heart) is the theme of the film. Each character is entangled in the given relationship and tolerates one another for the sake of social status. This film is not for a person who gets shocked seeing the reality in its original form without any makeup. Try to go beyond what you see on the screen. Music is top notch, and movie is filled with symbolism.

The feeling ‘rejection’ is dealt with authenticity. The extent it changes human behavior and to the extent one is willing to make sacrifice to prove to oneself that one is wanted are highlighted powerfully.

When a person truly immerses with the life force, he becomes incapable of hating others. He becomes so sensitive that he understands not only what is conveyed but also the silence that accompanies.

It is a strange love story, which breaks every rule and formula of love stories ever told.

Homesickness

 It is surprising that one would feel homesick even at the age of 46, even though there is nothing called ‘home’ for me. I go and do what I am expected to do where ever I am asked to go and do. Then how can I experience the so called homesick at the land of opportunity?

I am not doing anything different here at Baltimore. It is the same routine: prepare for the class, sit in the office, sleep in the room etc…, nothing is radically different from my usual routine. Yet there is a sense of uneasiness. It is not boredom for sure, since too many things to do and time flies. Boredom is a result of not knowing what to do and doing what one is not interested enough. So what I experience is not boredom but homesick.

Homesickness has nothing to do with home or sickness; it just means missing the familiar surroundings. Once you are transported to a new atmosphere, away from the familiar things, you get either excited or petrified or disoriented. If the new surroundings overwhelms you positively then you get excited, in case it overwhelms negatively then you get frightened. When it fails to overwhelm you one way or the other, you get disoriented. And you call it homesickness. Even though we know that home is the breeding ground for so many mental sicknesses (it is supposed to be a joke, morbid kind of humor, nevertheless a humor. Do not take it literally and run away from home).

We are not afraid of unknown. How can one be afraid of unknown? What we are afraid of is leaving the familiar. Known things even if they are painful, give us a sense of security; this is the secret of a successful marriage and loyal workers of an organization.

 Whereas the unfamiliar reality disorients the mind and the mind is ready for blogging.

Occupational Hazard

The phrase “once a cop, always a cop” never made much sense to me. Slowly I am awakening to the reality that this phrase does have some important point to make. Mind gets accustomed to think in a certain way, and it fails to look at reality in any other way

That’s what happens when one is an OB professor. You end up looking at everything from OB perspective and also converting every subject as a derivative of OB. It does not matter whether it is business ethics, international business or emerging market, everything looks like OB.

Whether it is corruption or marital problem, economic crisis or religious fanaticism, your analysis and conclusions are based only on OB concepts. Eyes see nothing more and mind remembers nothing else, you end up with one way track. I became aware of this illness only after making an attempt to teach International Business. After the class, I was just reflecting what the hell I was teaching. To my horror I realized that it was just another class from OB.

Either I am an expert or just a bluff master. History will make the final judgment (as if history has no other business to do except passing judgements). I think it is high time that I stop teaching OB and forget about Freud and his gang. And venture into some other subject altogether.