Rejection

It is a powerful emotion. It makes or breaks a person eventually. Unless one has learned to handle it in a matured manner, he or she is going to live in a constant state of turmoil and shock.

People disassociate with things, places and persons that do not meet their expectation. And it is called rejection and it is a fact of life. Like it or not, we can’t dissociate with this reality. Each one of us does it, either consciously or unconsciously.  The tragic condition of human being is that we want everyone to accept us unconditionally but we want to accept others conditionally.

The worst form of rejection is the rejection from the parents, that too from one’s own mother. The second most disturbing rejection during the period of adulthood is the romantic partner changing the partner; it literally shakes the self-worth of the one at the receiving end. Of-course something also gets dismantled (or dies), may be self-esteem or one’s integrity, in the person who rejects the other (in relationship).

But rejection in the professional life is very minor in comparison with the rejection involved in relationship. The job done by you is criticized or during your talk people are talking or you are not invited for an official party or you are just denied promotion. These are all minor events with little consequences, yet many take it as a life and death issue. Once you think it is big, and then it does become big. As Milton points out that mind is the place which creates heaven of hell and hell of heaven.

In relationship the rejection is connected with the person as we are, that is why it is painful. All one can do is – feel sorry for oneself and once you get bored with this, find a new person and move on.

In professional life the rejection is connected with action, so feeling sorry for oneself is a waste of time, treat it as a feedback and improve the performance. It means constantly upgrade yourself, if someone in the organization purposely puts you down and speaks ill about you then it is not a professional rejection, it is relationship related, so follow the previous paragraph.

The last two paragraphs deals with the matured way of handling rejections. If you find it very immatured, then I will take it as professional rejection and try to improve on it.

Ducks in Heaven

I read this story long ago, and I have conveniently forgotten the source. Since you also might have read it somewhere, I am not claiming for the copy right.

Raja and Henri were two great friends, but happened to be a mortal, so one day they both died. They died not in a road accident, but in the accident called old age. Both reached heaven, the caretaker of heaven welcomed them, and introduced them to all places of heaven.

Raja was amused to see hundreds of the little ducks roaming on the street in heaven. The caretaker looked at him and said,” Guys listen carefully, these little ducks are very dear to the owner of this place. If you step on any one of these ducks, you will be punished severely. The punishment is that you will be chained to a terrible looking and unattractive woman for whole day and night.”

Friends were happy since they have to be careful about only one simple rule – beware of ducks. But as destiny would have it, one fine morning Raja stepped on a duck, it quacked so loudly, and immediately two security officers picked him up and chained him to a lady who was terrifying. Henry felt sorry for his friend, and continued his sight seeing carefully. At that point of time, security men brought a most beautiful lady and chained her with Henry. Henry was perplexed, though he was happy with this turn of event, he said, “Officers, It is OK that I am chained with this lady, but, I did not step on any duck”. The security men looked at him and said, “Boy, this punishment is not for you, it is for her, it she who has stepped over a duck”

Whenever you get something you don’t deserve, keep in mind that there is some conspiracy against you. Don’t be naïve and start thanking gods and stars. It is time for you to be alert.

Teacher

 

For a teacher to be a teacher, in my opinion, three qualities are necessary conditions and two more are sufficient conditions. (The phrase is borrowed from Aristotle, of course modified – means disfigured – beyond possible recognition and identification)

 Necessary conditions:

1. Passion for the subject he is teaching (or trying to teach)

2. Respect for oneself and students – I strongly believe that if one does not respect oneself, he can’t respect students. Respect for others devoid of respect for oneself is a display of inferiority complex, and it can’t be genuine, it will be superfluous. It is the slave’s respect for his master and waiting for the opportunity to putdown the master. 

3. Reasonable communication skill: reasonable flow of language, not having radically different pronunciation, not being too monotonous.


Sufficient conditions:
1.  A constant search for knowledge in the subject he is teaching

2.  Knowledge about students: what is their motivation, level of knowledge and their values, and what they like and interested and what puts them off instantly.

These are the qualities I have observed in teachers whom I respect. If a teacher fails to have even one from the necessary conditions, he disappears into oblivion. And they become the villains, since students inherently perceive themselves as innocent victims in the present educational system.

If sufficient conditions are also present in a teacher then he is seen larger than life (Salman Khan type, Khan in reel and not in real), otherwise he is tolerated and forgiven eventually.

If a teacher possess only the second point of the necessary conditions, and not having any other points then certainly students will give him the benefit of doubt. But I wonder why did he opt for teaching? May be it is a historical blunder, May be his vocation was designed by some unknown forces, May be it is time for him to consult either a psychiatrist or an astrologer.

I am looking for an astrologer, any recommendation?

Driving The Car

I stay at the main campus of Loyola University Maryland, but need to take a class at Columbia campus, approximately 45 minutes’ drive from the main campus. Good thing about USA is that cars are available easily, but drivers are not. Self-driving is what everyone does. XIMB has 6 vehicles and four drivers, here there are more than 30 cars but no drivers. And added to the dilemma is that there is no public transport to Columbia campus.

The department was very generous in arranging some faculties to give me the ride, then it becomes two people teaching one course. The other faculty’s time gets wasted and that does not look fair from any perspective. So the only reasonable option for me was to take the car, say a prayer and drive.

Sounds simple, but not that simple since it poses many problems:

1. Rules of driving are too different from India – we drive on the left, here people drive on the right and that does not look right, it confuses the mind and body in a mysterious way. Even in philosophy I like leftist philosophy, all of a sudden changing the side creates ethical dilemma. Since it is not a big deal making compromises as far as sides are concerned, and it is not the first time I make compromises, mentally I reprogrammed myself to accept the right side as the right side.

2. Prof.Harsha is my mentor and guide. His instruction number one was, “Do not change the lane, if you have to, then give signal and look through the side mirrors for other vehicles, then make the change”. That sounded too complicated, for a minitute I was confused whether I am driving a car or a rocket, so I decided not to change the lane, but it becomes too monotonous and I was afraid that I might go to sleep.

3. Honking is a national time-pass in India. While driving I have to press the honk, It serves two purposes – gives the vital information to other drivers that I am driving and also it reminds me that I am driving. But Prof.Harsha said that honkin is considered as a barbarian act and no one does it here unless there is a life threatening danger. Civilization is changing so fast, and I am still living in the Stone Age, need to catch up with it soon.

4. Whenever I miss the route, I stop the car on the roadside and ask for the way, once again it serves two purposes – it gives me the needed rest and interacting with other human beings rejuvenates my spirit and helps me to build network. But here at Baltimore, one sees only cars and trees, and I have not yet learned the language to communicate with them.

But despite all the above mentioned problems, I am going to drive and reach Columbia campus on coming Thursday. I do request your prayers not only for me but also for the people who will be driving at that point of time on that road.

American Beauty

The movie is situated around the life of present middle class Americans. But the message is universal and it is presented without any compromise.

The film brings home the eternal truth that looking closer at the ordinary things brings in the extraordinary experience. Meaning of relationship emerges in the acts of betrayals, and the essence of the life is tasted at the door steps of death.

‘Metanoia’ (change of heart) is the theme of the film. Each character is entangled in the given relationship and tolerates one another for the sake of social status. This film is not for a person who gets shocked seeing the reality in its original form without any makeup. Try to go beyond what you see on the screen. Music is top notch, and movie is filled with symbolism.

The feeling ‘rejection’ is dealt with authenticity. The extent it changes human behavior and to the extent one is willing to make sacrifice to prove to oneself that one is wanted are highlighted powerfully.

When a person truly immerses with the life force, he becomes incapable of hating others. He becomes so sensitive that he understands not only what is conveyed but also the silence that accompanies.

It is a strange love story, which breaks every rule and formula of love stories ever told.

Homesickness

 It is surprising that one would feel homesick even at the age of 46, even though there is nothing called ‘home’ for me. I go and do what I am expected to do where ever I am asked to go and do. Then how can I experience the so called homesick at the land of opportunity?

I am not doing anything different here at Baltimore. It is the same routine: prepare for the class, sit in the office, sleep in the room etc…, nothing is radically different from my usual routine. Yet there is a sense of uneasiness. It is not boredom for sure, since too many things to do and time flies. Boredom is a result of not knowing what to do and doing what one is not interested enough. So what I experience is not boredom but homesick.

Homesickness has nothing to do with home or sickness; it just means missing the familiar surroundings. Once you are transported to a new atmosphere, away from the familiar things, you get either excited or petrified or disoriented. If the new surroundings overwhelms you positively then you get excited, in case it overwhelms negatively then you get frightened. When it fails to overwhelm you one way or the other, you get disoriented. And you call it homesickness. Even though we know that home is the breeding ground for so many mental sicknesses (it is supposed to be a joke, morbid kind of humor, nevertheless a humor. Do not take it literally and run away from home).

We are not afraid of unknown. How can one be afraid of unknown? What we are afraid of is leaving the familiar. Known things even if they are painful, give us a sense of security; this is the secret of a successful marriage and loyal workers of an organization.

 Whereas the unfamiliar reality disorients the mind and the mind is ready for blogging.

Occupational Hazard

The phrase “once a cop, always a cop” never made much sense to me. Slowly I am awakening to the reality that this phrase does have some important point to make. Mind gets accustomed to think in a certain way, and it fails to look at reality in any other way

That’s what happens when one is an OB professor. You end up looking at everything from OB perspective and also converting every subject as a derivative of OB. It does not matter whether it is business ethics, international business or emerging market, everything looks like OB.

Whether it is corruption or marital problem, economic crisis or religious fanaticism, your analysis and conclusions are based only on OB concepts. Eyes see nothing more and mind remembers nothing else, you end up with one way track. I became aware of this illness only after making an attempt to teach International Business. After the class, I was just reflecting what the hell I was teaching. To my horror I realized that it was just another class from OB.

Either I am an expert or just a bluff master. History will make the final judgment (as if history has no other business to do except passing judgements). I think it is high time that I stop teaching OB and forget about Freud and his gang. And venture into some other subject altogether.

Anna Hazare : A Threat To Human Nature

Human Brain is created in such a way that it follows faithfully the principle called conservation of energy. It operates in the dictum of the film ‘Kamine’: Zindhagi me dho raaste hai; ek short cut, doosra hai chota short cut (In life there are two ways: one is short cut and the other is a ‘small short cut’).

And the source of all corruption is nothing but people taking short cuts. Short cut tells us the way to reach the destination without spending much effort. Students cheat in the exam not because they are bad but because it takes them to their goal of getting better marks in an easiest way. People take bribe or give bribe because it helps them to achieve what they want in the shortest period of time. And the brain is designed to operate in this manner.

And now Anna Hazare wants to disturb this million year old brain technology. Religions too preach similar things only, it wants human beings to take longest possible way, that is main reason people run away from religion or they convert the religion into some series of repetitive rituals.

In fact, if you cut off the enlightened beings out of our consideration, there are only two kinds of human beings; one type is corrupt because they had chance to get corrupted and the other type is the good human beings  because they had no chance to do anything bad.

The above mentioned classification is not my original idea. Years ago when I used to read Tamil novels, I came across a navel about a radical feminist, in which the main character will often repeat the punch dialogue, “There are only two kinds of men, first one is rapists the second good men. Rapists are rapists because they had the chance and the good ones are good because they had no chance.”

So basically what Anna Hazare is doing is the work of Sisyphus. In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was condemned to push a boulder up a mountain, only to see it roll down again. Fighting against the corruption is a similar activity, you push up a roller stone to the peak of a mountain, once you leave your grip, and it will roll down again. Many heroes have done similar things in the past, they were fighting against the base human nature only to realize that the stone has eventually reaches the bottom of the mountain.

Imagine the fight against corruption succeeds and it succeeds in removing corruption from the human psyche, then we will no longer be human beings, we will become something beyond comprehension. That is the reason I say that Anna Hazare is dangerous to human nature.

But do not be afraid, Sisyphuses will never succeed. 

The Almighty Complex

Diego Maradona was expelled from the world cup foot ball tournament in the year 1994. He failed a drug test which uncovered ephedrine. Maradona is a legend and played in four world cup tournaments (1982, 1986, 1990, and 1994). After reaching the cult status, he was forced to leave the field in tears.

The billion dollar question is; how can an experienced player of his stature do this kind of stupid blunder? He was fully aware of the tests conducted before and after every match, then what gave him the confidence that he can beat the system?

Psychologists along with the rest of the human race could not explain this behavior of Maradona, so they invented a new term ‘almighty complex’. It simply means that the individual who is very successful or who is an over-achiever, starts behaving like God. Mainly because people around him start treating with great reverence and respect; they literally start calling him God of this or that  (recently after the success of Delhi Belly, Amir Khan was called as God of Bollywood, even though he rejected the statement, his psyche might have soared high, If his ego is not contained, you can start expecting flops from him soon).

The history is full of examples. Napoleon’s monumental defeat at waterloo battle; every general advised him that it was suicidal, but his series of victories against many surrounding nations made him to feel that he can’t be defeated and he became deaf to all sound advises. Hitler after escaping from nearly 42 attempts on his life, started thinking that he is God and he can take on Russia and Britain at the same time.

Too much of anything is not good for health, and it applies even to success. With success we get surrounded by people with no sense of honor and they continue to massage our ego endlessly. Even if we are cautious in the beginning, we get carried away eventually. Occasional failures and timely betrayals are must for us to be rooted on the ground and to remind us that we are just mortals.

Since almighty complex leads us to ultimate disaster, one should pray for failures too.

One Man Army

After the First World War, C.G.Jung observed a unique pattern among his mentally disturbed patients. Most of his patients were having a frightening dream, in which a white terrifying figure emerges from nowhere. Jung latter interpreted, that the collective consciousness of Germans was expecting for a messiah, to redeem them from the shame of defeat. And Germany had their messiah in the form of Hitler.

Expecting for a leader to set things right is almost present in every culture. Jews still expect for a messiah and in Indian culture too, we expect God to take avatar to take care of evil doer. Amitabh Bhachchan in the role of Angry young man fulfilled our frustration in 1980s.

Leaders acting like a one man army creates catharsis in our mind. But it has more negative outcomes than positive. Invariably it becomes a one man show, the rest get reduced to mere spectators. In a way helplessness sets in among followers. Hero worship and sycophancy are displayed on daily basis. The organization or the nation will be equated with the leader (remember the late 1970s slogan: Indra is India and India is Indra).

This is neither good for the follower nor for the leader. It kills the motivation and creativity in the followers and creates illusionary glory in the mind of the leader. The leader hears echo of his own words in the form of advice. No one can differ from the leader; if one dares he will be declared as evil and betrayer of hope. Invariably he becomes an outcast. 


Leader will end up having neither friends nor enemies. In this atmosphere the leader invariably blunders and brings down the organization and the subjects to shame and misery.

Greeks were aware of this phenomenon and created a kind of parliamentary system to rule the nation. One man show is still prevalent in our organizations and nation. Still waiting for someone to eradicate corruption and bring forth prosperity for all. Hope, one day we will get rid of one man show dominating in our collective consciousness.

Misunderstanding

An agriculture professor was giving a lecture on fertilizer and manure. At the end of the lecture, one student stood up and addressed the professor, “I fully agree with your statement that old cow dung is the best manure for plants. Kindly tell me, how old the cow must me?”

People have tremendous capacity to misunderstand. At times I used wonder that people must be consciously developing their capacity to misunderstand others. I also have come across students waiting to confuse the teachers.

But sometimes it is the teacher who has the last word. Once a professor who was expert on Gold Fish was lecturing on ‘the history and geography of Gold Fish’, when the hour long lecture finally got over, one student raised her hand and asked the question, “How will you identify whether a gold fish is male or female?” The professor answered promptly, “It is very simple; male gold fish will eat male worm and the female gold fish will eat female worm” The student did not give up, and asked, “ How will you identify whether a worm is male or female?”. The professor looked at her and said, “ I am an expert on Gold Fish, you must ask this question to the expert on worms”.

Misunderstanding others deliberately is a skill; you can use it effectively to confuse others. But if you misunderstand always without fail, then you should seriously contemplate on taking sanyas, because others will take advantage of your innocence. 

Brain Washing

Thinkers of renaissance needed to battle hard to present their ideas. Middle age power structures were losing their grip, but yet completely not shattered. They continued to hold power in the name of religion and tradition. Common people were warned to be aware of radical thinkers who were portrayed as vultures who are out there to contaminate innocent minds.

Today, free thinkers are not seen as vultures but indeed there are many forms of vultures that are waiting to lure our minds in order to achieve their ends. Corporate, Cultic groups, Government mechanism, and Political parties are all battling for our thought process. They want us to believe them unconditionally and surrendering to their propaganda. The best way to persuade any person is using the process called brain washing.

Following are the methods used in brain washing a person. When you attend any meeting or seminar and if they use any one or combination of few methods of the following process, be aware they are attempting to brain wash you. Of course all can’t be brain washed, but sizable people are prone to be affected.

1. The “Voice Roll” Technique: it is patterned and paced style of speaking in order to induce trance. The speaker is talking to the beat of metronome or speaking as though every word in a monotonous patterned style.

2. TheBuild-up Process: Inducing Altered States: First an assistant address the crowd generates excitement and expectation about the main speaker. Next a group of young women or men sing a soothing song. During the singing one person will display kind of euphoria, at this point audience attention totally focused upon communication and the main speaker opens his address.

3. Bonding by Fear and Suggestion: The speaker induces fear by pointing out to a group or some idea. The hate propaganda is explained using visual image. Usually a known fact will be cited at first then extrapolated to another extreme level. Under trance, quite many of us fail to use our neo-cortex to reason out, thus end up believing everything.

4. The “Sell It By Zealot” Technique: Before the meeting is complete, kind of informal agreements are made with audience to go out spread their message to other people. Their argument would be that many must know about the message. So sell it by zealot will be their emphasis.  

5. Jargon: The introduction of jargon—new terms that have meaning only to the “insiders” who participate. Vicious language is also frequently used, purposely, to make participants uncomfortable.

6. Lack of Humor: No Release, No Resistance. There is no humor in the communications. There may be jokes and humor after you have become part of the group. Keeping the other person in tension is a must to drive a point effectively.

Self Deception

David Livingstone Smith, a philosopher and a psychologist, says, “I began to understand how we are built; we're built to be natural-born liars. Nature has fashioned us like nature has fashioned so many organisms.” It looks like for mental health of oneself one has to deceive oneself regularly and without fail. The moment we stop deceiving our self either we go insane or enlightened. Looking at the number of mental asylums, the possibility of going insane is very high.

In the late 1970s, Johns Hopkins University conducted number of experiments with chimpanzees; teaching them sign language and the ability identify things and images. There was a chimpanzee named Arthur. He was fluent in sign language and would refer to other monkeys as ‘black things’. He was extremely comfortable with human beings. One experiment was differentiating photos of human being from the photos of monkeys. Stack of mixed photos of humans and monkeys was given to Arthur and he has to put all human photos on right side and the other on left side. In the stake of photos, Arthur’s picture also was present.

This experiment was conducted two times; both times Arthur could accurately separate human beings from monkeys but made just one mistake. He put his photo on the side of human beings and not in the side of Monkeys.

So we must have inherited this useful quality called self deception from monkeys. Endlessly we bluff others and ourselves. Years ago I used to give training programs along with a colleague of mine. Sometimes it was visible that participants were not happy with the program, but my friend would say that everyone is happy and enjoying. Even when I point out that the body language of participants indicate that they are not interested, he would come up with different explanation and prove to me that they are happy and enjoying. That time itself I was convinced that he will go only higher in life. That is what happened; now he is a leading personality. I will not be surprised if he becomes a successful politician. Nietzsche , a German philosopher, said, “The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others”. The art of self deception is a precondition for success in life. NLP does give the techniques of self deception. 

Jindal Steel and Power Plant

Last week, I went to Jindal Power and Steel plant situated at Angul to give a training program on Leadership. One of the participants was an excellent cartoonist. His sketch on me is posted above. He has a great future if he gets a break in the world of cartoonists.

Great teacher is a misnomer, if you get open minded and interested students, then the teaching experience is great, and the teacher is considered great. If you get unwilling partipants then teaching experience becomes a pain, and you have the worst teacher on the earth.

Captain is as good as the team, teacher is as good as the students. You may agree or disagree; luck does play a monumental role in our success. Of course some do create their own luck.

Weight Loss

When I was at Chennai doing my PhD, I became aware that I am fat, and decided to do something about it. Went to a medical shop and enquired if there is any medicine to reduce weight. The shop keeper said that there is a effective medicine, but it works only if I follow certain conditions; 1. I should do exercise regularly for an hour every day, 2. I should avoid all oil items including meat and fat. I was bit irritated and  pointed out to him that if I fulfill these two conditions then why on earth I need his medicine to reduce weight. I told him, “Don’t you think automatically I will become fit and then?” The shop keeper just smiled and paid no more attention to me and started engaging with other customers.

Disillusioned with allopathic medicine, I ventured into a ayurvedic clinic, there was a receptionist and she said that the doctor is on the way and I need to wait for an hour. I thought why to waste time, so went to a nearby restaurant. That restaurant accidently had a bar. So I thought since I am going to start a weight losing program, let me start it with celebration. Took some spirit and ordered biriyani. After spending an hour in a meaningful manner, I went back to the ayurvedic clinic, the doctor was in her office and I stepped in and said that I want to reduce weight. The doctor looked at me and said that I am not fat and there is no need to reduce weight. I was shocked and looked at her to find out whether she is blind or normal. It is then I realized that the doctor herself was fat, and the best way for her to solve the problem was declaring everyone is fit and healthy.

The next day, I managed to get up early and went to Marina beach for walk. To my surprise I noticed many people who were objectively fatter than me. Truly that day I felt that I am fit and healthy. Thus my endeavor with reducing weight came to an end. 

And now I am truly convinced that ayurvedic system is any day and in every way better than allopathic medical system. 

Quinine Overdose

A disturbing news was broad casted in the local channel. A girl student in the city school became unconscious reaching home, when admitted in the hospital she died. The student has written on her note book (before becoming unconscious)  just one phrase – quinine overdose. The doctor's report also points out that the cause of death is quinine overdose. Parents of the student accused the school for giving her too much of quinine in the name of medication. The principal of the school said that the student did not come to the school in the first place. The mystery continues.

Friend of mine, who is a counselor, made his observation on the news; it is sad to listen to this kind of incidents, there is a high possibility that the student might have made an attempt to commit suicide, and I will not be surprised if it had some connection with pregnancy (keep in mind that the student is just studying on 8th std).

Parents and teachers teach so many things to students. But miserably fail to teach one simple essential thing; No matter what you do (mistakes, blunder, crime …), you will always remain our child and our student, and we care for you and we love you. If this simple message is coded in the consciousness of every student, then they will never even think of ending their life. What is the point in learning Mathematics, physics and all the complicated things created by humankind, if they fail to realize that they are unique, and irreplaceable?

Always keep in mind: Suicide is a permanent solution to the temporary problem

Assyrian Tablet

One person came to the counselor and in a pitiable tone said, “Life is so unfair and the world so unjust. Death is better than life. None can be trusted, including wife and children. My parent’s mistake, I was born. My mistake, my children are born. Everything looks meaningless and worthless”.

The counselor opened a book and started reading, “Life is so unfair and the world so unjust. Death is better than life. None can be trusted, including wife and children. My parent’s mistake, I was born. My mistake, my children are born. Everything looks meaningless and worthless”

The man was shocked and said why you are repeating what I have said. The counselor said, “I am not repeating what you have said, just reading aloud what was written six thousand years ago in an Assyrian tablet. Nothing seems to be original including our miseries and sorrows. For thousands of years nothing much is changed except superficial technologies.”

Charlie Bit Me ....

It is popular Video in You Tube. Whenever you are dull, watch this. Innocent aggression, Innocent cry and , Innocent compromise,and  Innocent laughter; everything is rolled into one....

Nothing But … (written years ago as a student)

Life is nothing but a pure accident 

Music is nothing but a synchronized noise pollution
Truth is nothing but a collective opinion
Love is nothing but an extension of selfishness
Hope is nothing but a refusal to live in the present
Trust is nothing but an inability to verify the facts
Duty is nothing but a denial of self-expression - and
Faith is nothing but an outcome of ignorance

Interesting Observation (In USA) - e-mail forwarded

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

and........


6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

                               THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

  

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.