Three Glasses

A man entered the bar and ordered for three glasses of beer. The waiter was surprised, in his long and dedicated service, he had never witnessed one person ordering at a time three glasses of beer. Since the owner had repeatedly instructed that customer is god, he just followed the order. Brought three glasses of beer and placed in front of the man.

Out of curiosity, the waiter asked the question, “Sir, you are alone then why three glasses?”

The man answered, “It is a family union, and  I hate to drink alone. One glass is for my brother living in USA, the second one is for my brother working in Dubai and the third one is for me.”

The waiter was truly impressed. And he admired the bond among brothers. Always he knew that there is a method to madness when it comes to people who love drinking in the bar.

The man repeated the same ritual of ordering three glasses whenever he visited the bar. Then one day, the man ordered two glasses of beer only. The waiter was disturbed and concerned. After serving the two glasses of beer, the waiter inquired, “Hope everything is OK, is there anything wrong with any of your brothers?”

The man in his stoic tone answered, “My brother in USA is doing well and fine. My brother at Dubai is wonderful and in peak of health. I have ordered only two glasses of beer because I have given up drinking”

There is always a method to madness and do not forget there is more than one way in which one can give up drinks.

Pragmatism Vs. Idealism

American presidents, till the arrival of Roosevelt, followed the dictum given by George Washington: let’s mind our business, and not get into the affairs of the world problems. Touch me not was the approach as far as international politics was concerned. Foreign affair is foreign to us. They deliberately worked on this principle since; Brittan was controlling them for a long period of time and they had to wage war to live peacefully. And they did not want to follow the footstep of British in controlling the world which is uncontrollable in any case.

Since then, USA grew in strength and wealth. Then arrived FDR who believed that USA need to interfere with others’ affairs in order to safeguard the interest and security of USA. And adopted the typical Machiavellian approach, participated and dictated terms for other warring countries. He could not motivate fellow Americans since Washington’s idealism still lingered around the minds of the people.

At this time, Woodrow Wilson became the president. He believed in moral idealism and was convinced himself and others that USA has a moral obligation to take part in the international politics. He cleverly interpreted George Washington saying, “When it comes to human issues, nothing is foreign to us and we need to play a vital role in shaping international politics”. Wilson was an academician (professor), so I do give benefit of doubt to his idealism. But when we hear the similar utterances made by people like George Bush (Junior and Senior), the blood pressure goes up.

I can easily live with the pragmatic people like FDR, they are selfish, they know that they are selfish and I know that they are selfish, and also I know that I am selfish, so the game is straight forward. They are predictable and I need to move coins as per the predicament. But living with moralists is very confusing, I just do not know when they will compromise with their idealism, and their game changing move will remain a mystery. This uncertainty can drive any one into the world of craziness.

The story of a Hammer

Watzlawick wrote this short story. A man wants to hang a picture, but has no hammer. He wants to go to his neighbor to borrow one. Then he starts to doubt: perhaps his neighbor won’t give him a hammer. Just yesterday he had given him only a hasty greeting. “He probably has something against me. But I didn’t do anything against him, did I?” The man gradually works himself up into a rage against his repulsive neighbor. Finally he runs over, rings the doorbell, and shouts at the neighbor: “Keep your stupid hammer!”

Trying to solve a problem by oneself is not a bad idea. But imagining a problem and trying to solve it is not a great idea. It will at best make us fool of ourselves and at worst it will take us mental asylum. 

God Speaks

 

Thus spoke God, The Almighty

With compassion and with much concern

To a MBA Student

Who managed to step into the second year

             JLT is a part of Life

             Life is not a part of JLT

            Grade is a part of Learning

            Learning is not a part of Grade

            Placement is a part of Education

            Education is not a part of Placement

But, the Student remained unconvinced

After much deliberation and discussion

He was convinced beyond any confusion

“The God needs a reality check”

Seeing is Believing – VIII

"The shadow is where your personal gold is"
                                                   Carl Jung 

Once Johnny, a simpleton, visited a zoo. He was excited seeing all animals and birds in cages. Out of love, he touched animals and spoke to them with great concern. When he came across a tiger, he shouted with joy and wanted to touch him. As he extended his hand, the tiger hit him with his paw. Johnny’s hand was broken and in pain he cried. He was admitted in the hospital for the treatment.

After few months, he was healed of the wound and broken bones, he visited again the same zoo. When he saw the tiger in the cage, he went near and said, “I have forgiven and forgotten what you did to me, now I want to shake hands with you.” And extended his hand, the tiger once again hit him. And again, Johnny was admitted in the hospital.

The doctor who treated him enquired why did he do the same thing again. Johnny replied, “People always told me that I should forgive and forget negative things of others, and I just followed their advice.” The doctor smiled and said to him, “Johnny, people have wrongly advised you, the right thing is ‘Forgive but don’t forget’ ”.

Once he was healed of the broken bones, he went to the tiger and said, “I forgive you for what you did to me, but I will not forget the incident”. This time he did not extend his hand to touch the tiger.

The mind being concerned only with survival, easily does not forget painful experience. That is the reason we do not touch the hot stove. But if we fail to forgive, then life becomes a big burden.

One of the major reasons for people being affected by asthma is their inability to forgive others. Of course we do not include the people who have real medical reason in this category. In hypno-therapy, fantasy exercise is used to cure the asthma patients who do not have medical defect. The following is the process in which the exercise is conducted:

1. Close the eyes and relax by breathing in and out
2. Bring to the mind the person who has done negative thing to you
3. Look at him in the form of his picture (photo) (since you hate him/her, you will be seeing him either in a disfigured form or in a dark and degusting shape)
4. Slowly say the words, I forgive you. (It will be difficult in the first time, take time to utter these words)
5. Send your blessing to him, and sincerely pray for his welfare.
6. Give some positive colors to the picture of that person; make it as clear as possible (If it is difficult, stop the process and return to it at latter time)
7. With increasing number of attempts, you will be able to see his picture in a normal form (dark and disfigured shape will become normal).

The moment you are able see his picture clearly and with normal color, you will immediately experience joy and complete relaxation.

Basically it means that by forgiving, you are not doing any favor to the person whom you hate but you are creating a matured and pleasant self within you. It releases positive energy within you.

Seeing is Believing - VII

Parents, teachers, and friends often tell us that anger is a bad feeling. They point out that only bullies, drunkards, bad boys, and irrational creatures get angry. A good boy or a good girl only smiles.

We continue to perpetuate the myth that matured person who has the wisdom never gets angry. And we look down upon an individual who gets angry.

As already pointed out that anger has a definite purpose, and it the cause of freedom struggles and creative enterprises. If we suppress anger then effectively we suppress our creative instinct.

The real difference between the matured and immature is that the matured person channelizes his anger whereas the immature is consumed by anger and acts impulsively. Anger is a powerful tool, it can create miracles or destroy source of life in the person and his surroundings.

Anger which is transformed can manifest itself in different forms; in case of Buddha it became compassion, in Karl Marks it became social revolution, in Gandhi it became Satyagraha, and in Martin King Luther it became civil right movement. At the same time, in case of terrorists, and other underworld dons, it brings in sufferings and destruction.

In the book ‘The Secret Language of Feelings’, the famous hypnotist Calvin Banyan points out three steps to deal with anger:

    1. Identify the name of the feeling: Angry or any other name for it. Mad, angry, enraged, pissed off, hurt etc.

    2.  Identify  the cause of  the  feeling: As mentioned above, anger comes  from  the  perception  that  something  is  happening  that  is either unfair to oneself or to someone or something I care for. 

    3. Identify a satisfying response: 

              a. Do a reality check: Is your perception of the situation accurate? Is the situation really unfair? Often the answer is no, and that neutralizes the feeling automatically. 

         b. If the situation is really unfair, then make it fair. That is why one experiences the anger. It is a call to make things fair. In this case this is righteous anger. And once we have achieved fairness, anger will subside. 

          c. If we cannot make it fair due to some impossible situation, then we must forgive.

Seeing is Believing- VI

What makes me happy? , What makes me sad? , What makes me angry? , What am I afraid of? , Which situations make me lose control?  Why?

Answering these questions without any justification, without any fear is a healthy exercise, the more we do better our life will be. 

Even if we want to, we can’t run away from our feelings. In fact, it is these emotions which give us the proof that we are alive. It is our emotions which are original, and we can have copy right over them. All other things – ideas, vision, beliefs, convictions, and rituals etc. – are borrowed and brainwashed products.

There are four basic emotions; all others are derivative of these fundamental emotions. Anger/Fear, Joy, Sorrow and Sex are the primitive, and the most original emotions. Fear and Anger are made up of the same stuff; they are the two sides of the same coin.

Every feeling has a definite purpose, if we are not aware of the purpose; we end up satisfying that feeling with wrong things. It may give some relief for some time, but eventually it will take its toll on us. For example, I feel lonely and I try to compensate it by watching a movie will be a stupid move, Kareena kapoor is not going to alleviate the loneliness. It may give temporary satisfaction, but it will grow stronger and will haunt me forever. Some people deal with loneliness by buying a dog (in USA, it is very common) and others by eating ice-cream or chocolate or pizza (at XIM, it is common).

There are eight so called bad feelings which are commonly experience by us:

Fear: It is a voice in you saying “I feel something bad might happen”.  

Stress: I feel that there is too much to do.   

Anger:  Something  is  happening  that  is  unfair  towards  me  or someone or something I care about.    

Sadness:  I have lost some someone or something that is important to me.   

Boredom: I do not have enough challenge in my life.   

Loneliness: I need more meaningful relationships.  

Guilt:  I have done something that is unfair to someone.    

Inadequacy: I feel that there is something wrong with me. 

The function of our feelings is not making our life miserable. They indicate what is good for our survival on this planet. Our brain cares little about our happiness but obsessed with our survival. Our brain was hard-wired when we were living in forest which was a hostile place for living. So it looks after our safety and it uses feelings to communicate with us. If we do not deal with our feeling as per its purpose, it will lead us to the secondary emotion which is known as ‘Frustration’. And if we continue to remain in the state of frustration without addressing the primary feeling, then we will be rewarded with tertiary feeling ‘Depression’.

Up to secondary level, things are within our control, if we manage to reach the third level then we need some self proclaimed expert’s help, of course he or she will charge for the help they provide.

Seeing is Believing – V

What gets registered in the mind is not in our control. Whatever happens to us, around us, impressed us and depressed us, everything gets stored in our mind. Mind is a non discriminating clerk, without bias it accumulates all things – good, bad, ugly.

That is the reason; mind is called by some sages as a garbage-bin. Every house needs a garbage-bin; otherwise, the house will stink in no times. But if we start living in garbage-bin, our life can become miserable.

Eric Berne compares the modern man’s life style with the man in the cesspool, dirt is up to his lower-lip, and ecstatically he is saying, “I am comfortable, just don’t make waves.” This is what happens when we have converted garbage-bin as our living room.

One cannot tackle the problems created by the mind by being in the mind and by associating with mind. One cannot overcome worries, anxieties, fears and frustrations. One must dissociate oneself from the mind, stepping out of the mind is a necessary condition to observe and make the corrective steps. It is here, the fantasy exercises play a vital role.

J.Krishnamurthy talks about the importance of ‘oberserving the observer’. In the sentence ‘I know myself’, ‘Myself’ is the object and ‘I’ is the subject. ‘I’, the subject observes ‘Myself’ the object. Therefore, ‘I’ is the observer, and when that observer is being observed, one is able to dissociate from the mind to some extent. This state of being is called ‘dissociation’. Let’s not get into hair-splitting analysis of further layers of dissociation, it may lead to paralysis. Getting out of oneself and looking the self objectively brings in new dimension of self-knowledge.

Visual Picture - -->      Feelings   ---->      Behavior

The dynamic process of a behavior being caused is rather simple. Mind first sees a picture visually, and it creates the accompanying feelings and in turn it causes the associated behavior.

So if one wants to bring changes in the behavior, the starting point is bringing changes in the visual image his mind produces.

For example, if a person is suffering from public speaking phobia, he invariable sees a frightening visual image as soon as he steps on the stage. One person with this phobia reported that he sees that all audiences are staring at him with wide open eyes; all eyes are popping up and looking at him. Certainly it is a scary situation to be in. This visual creates the feelings of anxiety and nervousness, so his behavior becomes one of running away or fainting.

So if you want to change the behavior, easiest way is to change the visual.