Seeing is Believing - VII

Parents, teachers, and friends often tell us that anger is a bad feeling. They point out that only bullies, drunkards, bad boys, and irrational creatures get angry. A good boy or a good girl only smiles.

We continue to perpetuate the myth that matured person who has the wisdom never gets angry. And we look down upon an individual who gets angry.

As already pointed out that anger has a definite purpose, and it the cause of freedom struggles and creative enterprises. If we suppress anger then effectively we suppress our creative instinct.

The real difference between the matured and immature is that the matured person channelizes his anger whereas the immature is consumed by anger and acts impulsively. Anger is a powerful tool, it can create miracles or destroy source of life in the person and his surroundings.

Anger which is transformed can manifest itself in different forms; in case of Buddha it became compassion, in Karl Marks it became social revolution, in Gandhi it became Satyagraha, and in Martin King Luther it became civil right movement. At the same time, in case of terrorists, and other underworld dons, it brings in sufferings and destruction.

In the book ‘The Secret Language of Feelings’, the famous hypnotist Calvin Banyan points out three steps to deal with anger:

    1. Identify the name of the feeling: Angry or any other name for it. Mad, angry, enraged, pissed off, hurt etc.

    2.  Identify  the cause of  the  feeling: As mentioned above, anger comes  from  the  perception  that  something  is  happening  that  is either unfair to oneself or to someone or something I care for. 

    3. Identify a satisfying response: 

              a. Do a reality check: Is your perception of the situation accurate? Is the situation really unfair? Often the answer is no, and that neutralizes the feeling automatically. 

         b. If the situation is really unfair, then make it fair. That is why one experiences the anger. It is a call to make things fair. In this case this is righteous anger. And once we have achieved fairness, anger will subside. 

          c. If we cannot make it fair due to some impossible situation, then we must forgive.