Focus Illusion

Expectation exaggerates facts and the reality. If one is desperate for something and somebody, then desperation gets multiplied.

As a kid, I used to wait for Christmas day, as if it is going to be the greatest and happiest day. But every Christmas passed away just like any other day with minor differences.

Mind creates and exaggerates every positive expectation beyond its true manifestation. It adds more color and spice and makes it much bigger than what could happen in reality. So when the D-day comes, the most waited person or thing arrives, nothing much happens, it is pleasant but nothing out of the world experience. We have exaggerated so much in our anticipation; the reality fails to measure up to the expectation. Thus even after some positive thing has taken place, we remain disappointed. And it is called focus illusion, too much of a focus, moves things out of focus.

But the good thing is that it works in the opposite direction too. If something worse we expect to happen, then when that worst thing occurs, it won’t be that bad as we have expected. The real pain won’t be as painful as we have imagined and anticipated. Only drawback is that we might have lived in negative mood; fretting, condemning and self-pitying for considerable amount of time.

Is ‘focus illusion’ good or bad? Whether we like it or not, our minds operate in this manner, the sensible thing will be to become aware of it and avoid as much as possible. In case we are addicted to prolonged miseries or euphoria, then ‘focus illusion’ is the way to live our life.

The Gossip

                                                                             

Is gossiping a bad habit? Waste of time and energy? Or does it have higher purpose that one needs to master the art of gossiping?

Some psychologists term it as ‘the relational aggression’; it can break relationship among friends and may lead some people to the brink of committing suicide. And that is the dark side of gossiping, if we do it recklessly, we can harm others and ourselves.

Some say that men gossip only about money and success, whereas woman gossip about almost everything. This statement is too good to be true, maybe it was true when men were the sole bread winners and controlled not only their affairs but also every others, but in present day woman and men measure up similar standard when it comes to gossiping, there may be a minor insignificant difference.

In fact, gossiping has many positive points, and it is not easy to be a master gossiper.

First up all, gossiping is an intellectual activity. You have to keep your mind, eyes and ears sharp to pick up news about others. And that is not enough; you must be an interesting and powerful communicator. Words must flow from tongue like water (I am not referring to salivation, but similar to it).

Then you need to add emotion in what you are sharing, and the most important thing is you need to add masala – exaggeration is a must, if you tell exactly what had happened, people mistake you for a news reporter, you need to use imagination and add whatever is necessary, but do not overdo it, if you overdo it then people will call you a liar. And liars are neither respected nor believed, you will end up spoiling not only the game but also your name.

Remember, in gossiping, content is not much important, what brings excitement is the process of the delivery system. Recent research study points out; your brain cells remain active and alive if you are a good gossiper.

And gossiping is inherently a community activity, it binds a group, it provides warning signal about the bad boss and neighbors’ wife/husband. It forewarns you. One who is forewarned is forearmed.

Anthropologists suggest that gossiping has played a major role in the language development, without gossiping, language might have remained very limited and without many vocabularies. If you think that it is writers and scholars are responsible for the development of a language, you are wrong. In any case, only a good gossiper can become a good story teller and a scholar.

The third important contribution of gossiping is that it serves as a moral instruction and guardian of moral system. When I share a gossip with someone (it will be always about a third person), I am telling him not only what is wrong with the third person but also indirectly I am warning him not to be like him. If you behave like that person, then some will gossip about you. Thus the fear being gossiped deters people from indulging in wrongful activities.

And the final and the most important benefit of gossiping is that it increases our self esteem, especially if the gossip is about some successful and high achievers. We feel great that the great persons also are very cheap, that means I am greater than the so-called the great people. This improves one’s self worth tremendously without doing any extraordinary work. Good name and feeling gained without sweating.

The wisdom statement, “Too much of anything is dangerous” is applicable to gossiping too. If you over do it, then people will become very cautious in your presence and eventually hate you and expel you from their group. Moderation is the key word as always. Do it intelligently and sparingly, people will treat you with respect.

Procrastination

I have heard even successful people (who has achieved a lot) complaining about the problem called procrastination.

Procrastination by definition is putting off works till the last minute, that is unless a reward or punishment is imminent one postpones doing what one is expected to do.

This phenomenon is witnessed among monkeys. They would not do things unless they either see a stick or a plantain. No wonder we too have inherited their habit.

But by suppressing a gene that makes dopamine chemical (which seems to be the reward learner), one can make monkeys to work consistently. So if we want a person to be workaholic then all we have to do is suppress that gene.

 And other research studies point out many other causes for human beings to procrastinate.  –  fear of failure, fear of success, temptation, laziness, lack of purpose and motivation … etc. But working out on fears and purposes is a long short. Many ‘Time management’ books are becoming best sellers because; they rarely help a person to stop procrastinating.

For me procrastination sounds similar to the management concept ‘Just in Time’. I can’t understand why people perceive procrastination as a problem. What is the point is doing something today, which can be done tomorrow?

For me procrastination is not a problem, it is strength, since our mind has learned that things can be done at the last minute, we do it at the last minute. If it were to have caused problems and pains then we will not dare to postpone. Nothing that sort has happened, hence we procrastinate.

Suppose repeatedly I have faced dire consequences due to procrastination, then something is seriously wrong and we definitely need medical (genetic operation) or psychiatrist’s help. Otherwise one should not too much worry about procrastination.

If creatively we use procrastination, it can become our best habit. Suppose I want take revenge, and I decide to procrastinate on it, my image among friends will be better off (they might treat me as a living saint). Suppose I want to smoke and decide to procrastinate on it, my health will improve ( of course ITC will not be happy about it).

So if you have the tendency to procrastinate, then do not treat it as a problem, it is one more positive habit in your repository, you can use it when it is necessary to make life enjoyable.

Control freak

From childhood onwards we have been directly or indirectly encouraged to be not a control freak. One of the popular, rather irritating topics given to students is to speak on was ‘If I would become prime minister, what would I do?” The funny thing is that even that speech was written by some teacher, who had given shape to his or her unfulfilled dreams and frustrations.

Due to the pressure from parents, friends, teachers and the society, our life has indeed become the pressure cooker as Rajkumar Hirani points out. Everyone tries to control us, sometimes in the name of protecting us other times for the sake of the better world (others).

Then when we grow up, everyone says we need to control our life. Academicians articulate that the locus of control must be internal. But when did they train us to take control over our life? The joke is that guys who tell us to take control are the ones who are controlled most, either they are controlled by an idea which was not invented by them or by other sale personnel.

Yet few of us manage to become control freaks. They must be mutants, they are not functioning as per the program, and as per the way they have been brain-washed. They are the outcasts, trying to live life as per their desires and compulsions.

When I am around control freaks, I am both liberated and suffocated. It is liberating because one more joker has joined the chain of the control system which have been guiding (or misguiding) my life. And it is also suffocating because one more person is acting as if he is carrying my weight.

But I truly appreciate them; at least they make efforts to shape the world as per their convenience. If a group has many control freaks, fights and quarrels will be the only entertainment. In case of it having only one control freak, he will be seen as the leader and liberator. If there are no control freaks, then the group will be subjugated by another group that has one control freak.

Successful leadership means that one has to be a control freak as well as side-track or eliminate all other control freaks. Either through persuasion (asking him to leave and join some other department/company) or spoiling their names and making them unpopular (eliminating them). The best control freak is the one who creates the illusion that everyone believes that he or she is obeying out of free-will.

Same people, same structure and same activities…

I was asked to evaluate a school called xyz situated in a city abc.  Since it was a friendly request and I do not say no to friends (only regret latter), I ventured out in that exercise. As usual, everyone was aware of the vital problem, yet no one was speaking about it. It is there I remembered the old saying that consultancy is nothing but looking at the client’s watch and telling what time it is.

Yet, like an objective evaluator I interacted with the all parties and came to the same conclusion which was known to everyone. So everyone accepted my findings. I told them that you guys have two options – either leave the school or fix the hooligans (or just eliminate them) who are in the form of teachers. The management was eager to handover the school, they were waiting for some so called expert to give the verdict.

When they tried to handover the school, all the involved parties got panicked. And there was commotion among the teachers and everyone except the management wanted the present administrators to continue. As usual, management gave in to the relentless request.

The joke is not over, the management once against asked me to conduct workshop for the same teachers. Einstein, long ago, said, “Repeating the same things again and again, and expecting different result is the definition of stupidity” (the original quote is somewhat different, but meaning is same). Now in this school, nothing is changed – same administrators, same situation and same structure and same activities, yet everyone is piously hoping that things will turn out different this time.

Looks like that I will be continued to be employed for ages to come …..

Marketing

My friend, who is the charge of the house, asked me to buy sausages and parottas for the evening celebration.  Since I was free and in a mood of doing something, I agreed with his proposal. I took the bike and went to the shop near the railway station, asked the shop keeper to give me sausage. He opened the fridge and gave me a packet of chicken sausage. I told him that chicken sausage is good but pork sausage is the best, so give me the best. The shop keeper told me that in Bhubaneswar pork sausage is not a favored item. I told him, “Listen gentleman, a good business man is the one who sells what is not liked by the people. If you sell what is preferred then you just react to the situation. You must learn to create demand, that is the real challenge, and that alone will give you the job satisfaction. So start selling what is not favored by the local people”. He looked at me in total confusion, and I left him to give some time for the reflection.

Then I went to the mall named ‘The world’. There I wanted to buy parottas. I asked for the ashwini parottas, but the helper said that onion paratottas are the best and that is available. Since she was trying to sell me what I did not want, I could not come with any argument. After few minutes, I told her, “I think that you are not familiar with Indian tradition, in India we divide food items into three categories: sattvic food which are good and filled with positive energy, rajasic food are neutral food which neither good nor bad, and tamasic food which are filled with negative energy. Onion comes under tamasic food, which means onion parottas are filled with negative energies and you are irresponsibly promoting negative energy which means that you are a dangerous person”. I thought that she would get angry and scold me, but she was just smiling. I did not know what else to say, I was feeling guilty that I have offended a good soul, who is truly enlightened.  It is then I realized that she does not understand English, but she was fluent in Oriya and Hindi.

As I was leaving, a girl stopped me saying it is a promotional item, and she showed me chicken kawaap and many other chicken items. I told her that I do not like chicken. She said, “You do not like chicken, no problem, but I am sure you would like chicken tandoori, it is so tasty”. I said that listen girl, I am allergic to birds literally and figuratively, if you have anything other than chicken items for example fish, mutton or even snake and dog, I will be happy to give it a try. Hearing the words snakes and dogs, she could not say anything more, and I took that opportunity and left the place.

Then I went to the reliance food. Though I am basically very skeptic about reliance, since I did not have any more choice, I settled for it. As I expected their mall had all brands that were not familiar to me, and what I wanted was not kept there. I just cursed Dhirubhai Ambani and his vision then left the place without talking to anyone.

I went for the marketing with the empty bag, and I returned with the empty bag. And it resembled the human existence. When my friend asked me about what I have brought, I told him that nothing is worth buying in Bhubaneswar, I am going to Mumbai tomorrow and I will get all things from there. But he refused to believe me, he concluded that as usual I have forgotten the real business and wailed away time in side business.

The girl with the dragon tattoo

The novel by Stieg Larsson is well conceived and executed with strong impact. Tattoo girl Lisbeth Salander lacks in social skills but a genius in collecting information (Researcher, not academic)  and the other important character Mikael Blomkvisti is a financial reporter with high moral standard but safely keeps sexual morality at distance.

The author must have feminist orientation, throughout the story he embarrasses our conscience with lots of important and relevant statistics connected with women and their exploitation in the society. It is disturbing to say the least.

It is thriller with substance. Behavioral patterns of sadists and abused children are narrated eloquently and convincingly. The success of any novel is in evoking emotional bond with the main characters, and Larsson seems to have succeeded effortlessly.

The author does not have much appreciation for financial bankers and stock brokers; he presents them as mafia and shark.  The novel touches upon many themes – computer hacking, stock market, journalism, family feud (those who romanticizes the greatness of joint family must read it for proper enlightenment) to mention few. His psychological insights are pretty accurate.

Pick up the novel, if you have time and if you like reading thriller, I am sure you won’t regret.

Train Journey

One of my recurring nightmares is that of train journey. In the dream, either I miss the train or I get down to buy something and the train leaves. Out of sheer desperation I start running behind the train on the track, sometimes I managed to catch the train (may be the effect of watching Rajnikant’s film).

Getting up in the morning, I used to wonder why the hell this kind of dreams repeatedly come to me. I am fully aware, it is our anxiety, fear, insecurity or some suppressed desires which form the major contents of a dream. So I sat down to recall all my mis-adventures with train journeys.

• I had to take the train from Madurai to Chennai, and I entered the correct coach, but someone else had occupied it. I showed him my ticket saying it is my seat. That person looked at the ticket quietly then said, “Yes, it is your seat, but you have come one earlier” I had to leave the place embarrassed, tried to talk to the T.T, but he sternly told me not to waste his time.

• I was travelling from Jamshedpur to Chennai. At Vizak, the train stops for nearly 30 minutes. I got down from the train, sat on the platform and started reading a magazine. I was so involved in reading, and did not notice the train leaving the station. Fellow platformer shook my shoulder and pointed out that my train is leaving. Luckily I could run and jump into the train. But the thought of missing the train along with my bags troubled my mind for a longer period of time.

• I had to give a talk at Berhampur, and I went catch the train. Since I reached 40 minutes earlier, thought of reading something. The same thing happened, almost I missed the train. I had to run and get into the last coach. Then onwards I have given up the habit of reading on the platform.

I could recollect several similar endeavors with train journey and I noted them down on that day. Surprisingly, the nightmares of missing trains and running after them have stopped. Bring the dream to the conscious mind and integrate the associated fears and anxieties, they stop bothering us. Of course some dreams we do not want to stop coming back; them we should not integrate with our conscious mind. Suppose silk-smita is dancing in the dream, why on earth one needs to stop her from dancing? (effect of dirty picture)

Bottling Up

Champagne bottles are aesthetically made; their appearance is great but taste like spoiled pepper water. No wonder in parties people open them not for drinking but to pour it over other people. Indian cricket team followed this ritual after winning world cup, and it perfectly make sense. My favorite drink is vodka, since once upon a time I was a communist and I like to keep some connection with Russia, at least in drinking.

It is good to bottle up alcohol and wine in magnificently prepared bottle, but bottling up emotion is a dangerous habit. If one does not learn to let out irritation and heart burns at regular and appropriate intervals, he may end up exploding at wrong time for any minor reason. This not only embarrasses oneself and creates guilt feeling; it also could harm the innocent bystander who is trying to joke with you.

I am not saying that you need to shout at people every time someone annoys you. But constructively express your disliking. The supreme example is Bertrand Russell.

Once Bertrand Russell entered a club of which he was a member. He kept his umbrella on the stand and joined his friends for the party. When the party was over, as he was leaving, he became aware that someone has taken his umbrella. Immediately he wrote a note saying, “Dear Noble Man, kindly return my umbrella at my house address”. His friend who read the note was surprised and said to Russell, “You are calling a person who has taken your umbrella as a noble man, what is wrong with you?” Russell answered, “Look in this club only gentlemen and noble men are allowed to enter, and a person who takes away other person’s umbrella cannot be a gentleman, that is the reason I addressed him as a noble man”

There is always a way to get things done without exploding and without bottling up your feelings. All you need is something called imagination.

Fair coin

“I have a fair coin. When I tossed it, I got ‘head’ 99 times consistently. What is the probability of getting ‘head’ on the 100^th time when I will toss?”

I asked this question to some of the candidates who came for the interview, invariably everyone answered that the probability of getting 'head' on 100th time is .5

One thing is clear that they did not read the book ‘Black Swan’, because the question was taken from that book. The other thing that is crystal clear is that they are good at statistics but very naive in dealing with the world of grey. They are just blind to the data provided and totally trusting the statement that the coin is fair.

On tossing, if a coin turns up ‘head’ for 99 times consistently then how can that be a fair coin? One has to be a blind believer (another term for a fanatic) to believe that the coin is fair. How can anyone deny the data? Coincidences take place, but to believe that 99 times coincidence has taken place is beyond imagination. Yet not a single one noticed the trap. They took some time and reflected to come up with the answer .5

In the question asked, there are two parts – one is an assumption and the other is the data. Assumption is that the coin is fair, and the data is 99 times it has turned up with ‘head’. We believe the assumption and ignore the data provided. No wonder, any street smart guy is able to take us for a ride time and again, and we too prefer to live in the world of ignorance.

Because questioning assumptions demands not only sharp intelligence but also courage.

Evolution (Effect of Kudankulam visit)

 Long time ago

When a monkey managed

To become a man

        

        ‘Order’ emerged

        ‘Disorder’ multiplied

         Government was formed

         Corruption was glorified

         Gods were created

         Humans were scarified

         Wealth has increased

         Poverty is amplified

Monkeys of the world

Forgive us

For shattering your dreams

Chennai Admission Interview – 2012

Warning: observations are limited only to my experience at Chennai Admission Inerview-2012, scientific conclusion is neither possible nor required.

•  Boys outnumbered girls at an alarming ratio of 9.5 : 0.5. This ratio is much lower than any other previous years. Either girls have seen the meaninglessness (farce) of pursuing MBA studies and they are opting out or boys are becoming smarter and smarter, which is not an encouraging sign from sociological perspective.

•  “I want to be an entrepreneur, not now but eventually, five years down the line” was the readymade answer given by majority of candidates till last year, when they were asked the question, “Why MBA?” This year, for a change they have decided to tell the truth – it is just a career move. When they speak truth they are very charming and convincing.
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• Almost all candidates have been attending multiple interviews across the country. Considerable amount of money is being spent on travelling alone. Management institutes must come up with a solution to ease their pain. Some were totally exhausted from various interviews and their only concern was – ‘I give a damn whether you select or not, just stop asking questions and let me go.’

Interview 2012 (Fishing from the Fish-Tank)

Admission interview has begun for the management institutes. I went to Bangalore for the same. My preliminary observation is that over 95% of students are from engineering background. And over 95% of engineering graduates were from one of the following branches: Computer Science, Information System / Communication and Electrical/Electronic or both. And the overwhelming number of students is with work experience. Infosys, TCS and Cognizance dominate the list. This is the classical case of fishing from the fish-tank. Looks like either younger generation is very eager to leave these companies or they have the best of talents who could crack entrance examination.

This information is regarding Bangalore only, that too only about the first five days. If the situation is similar in all cities and all centers, then even God can’t help us –homogeneous group lead to one line of thought and action, and engulf itself with one kind of discussion and conclusion. Already engineering students dominate the management institutes, and now it is going to be specific branches of engineering students who are going to rule the circus.

People are already analyzing the data and coming with several interpretations. Following are some of the hypothetical propositions, they can be totally wrong:

1.  Software engineers are very soft and coding for years is driving them crazy and they are cracking, as a result they end up cracking admission tests too.
2. Seven years ago the best of the lot went into to these branches of engineering, so it is a natural outcome.
3. Software engineers have more free times in comparison with others and so they spend more time for the preparation.
4.  XAT and CAT are designed to suit students with engineering background.

Whatever may be the reason, the outcome can’t be changed. Postmortem doe s not give much kick for me. When something is inevitable, we need to celebrate it by embracing it (one more reason to hit the bottle).

When I was a student, it was less than 30% who came with engineering degree for personal management and little more for the business management programs, lot more was with science, art and commerce degrees. As the world being increasingly dominated by machines, engineers started dominating the schools of management.

For an expert with hammer, everything will look like nail, for experts in engineering; everything is going to be either nuts and bolts or zeroes and ones.

Life is going to be boring for sure in the coming years and I am contemplating on taking sabbatical. Where to go? and what to do?  still remain  mysteries

Three Glasses

A man entered the bar and ordered for three glasses of beer. The waiter was surprised, in his long and dedicated service, he had never witnessed one person ordering at a time three glasses of beer. Since the owner had repeatedly instructed that customer is god, he just followed the order. Brought three glasses of beer and placed in front of the man.

Out of curiosity, the waiter asked the question, “Sir, you are alone then why three glasses?”

The man answered, “It is a family union, and  I hate to drink alone. One glass is for my brother living in USA, the second one is for my brother working in Dubai and the third one is for me.”

The waiter was truly impressed. And he admired the bond among brothers. Always he knew that there is a method to madness when it comes to people who love drinking in the bar.

The man repeated the same ritual of ordering three glasses whenever he visited the bar. Then one day, the man ordered two glasses of beer only. The waiter was disturbed and concerned. After serving the two glasses of beer, the waiter inquired, “Hope everything is OK, is there anything wrong with any of your brothers?”

The man in his stoic tone answered, “My brother in USA is doing well and fine. My brother at Dubai is wonderful and in peak of health. I have ordered only two glasses of beer because I have given up drinking”

There is always a method to madness and do not forget there is more than one way in which one can give up drinks.

Pragmatism Vs. Idealism

American presidents, till the arrival of Roosevelt, followed the dictum given by George Washington: let’s mind our business, and not get into the affairs of the world problems. Touch me not was the approach as far as international politics was concerned. Foreign affair is foreign to us. They deliberately worked on this principle since; Brittan was controlling them for a long period of time and they had to wage war to live peacefully. And they did not want to follow the footstep of British in controlling the world which is uncontrollable in any case.

Since then, USA grew in strength and wealth. Then arrived FDR who believed that USA need to interfere with others’ affairs in order to safeguard the interest and security of USA. And adopted the typical Machiavellian approach, participated and dictated terms for other warring countries. He could not motivate fellow Americans since Washington’s idealism still lingered around the minds of the people.

At this time, Woodrow Wilson became the president. He believed in moral idealism and was convinced himself and others that USA has a moral obligation to take part in the international politics. He cleverly interpreted George Washington saying, “When it comes to human issues, nothing is foreign to us and we need to play a vital role in shaping international politics”. Wilson was an academician (professor), so I do give benefit of doubt to his idealism. But when we hear the similar utterances made by people like George Bush (Junior and Senior), the blood pressure goes up.

I can easily live with the pragmatic people like FDR, they are selfish, they know that they are selfish and I know that they are selfish, and also I know that I am selfish, so the game is straight forward. They are predictable and I need to move coins as per the predicament. But living with moralists is very confusing, I just do not know when they will compromise with their idealism, and their game changing move will remain a mystery. This uncertainty can drive any one into the world of craziness.

The story of a Hammer

Watzlawick wrote this short story. A man wants to hang a picture, but has no hammer. He wants to go to his neighbor to borrow one. Then he starts to doubt: perhaps his neighbor won’t give him a hammer. Just yesterday he had given him only a hasty greeting. “He probably has something against me. But I didn’t do anything against him, did I?” The man gradually works himself up into a rage against his repulsive neighbor. Finally he runs over, rings the doorbell, and shouts at the neighbor: “Keep your stupid hammer!”

Trying to solve a problem by oneself is not a bad idea. But imagining a problem and trying to solve it is not a great idea. It will at best make us fool of ourselves and at worst it will take us mental asylum. 

God Speaks

 

Thus spoke God, The Almighty

With compassion and with much concern

To a MBA Student

Who managed to step into the second year

             JLT is a part of Life

             Life is not a part of JLT

            Grade is a part of Learning

            Learning is not a part of Grade

            Placement is a part of Education

            Education is not a part of Placement

But, the Student remained unconvinced

After much deliberation and discussion

He was convinced beyond any confusion

“The God needs a reality check”

Seeing is Believing – VIII

"The shadow is where your personal gold is"
                                                   Carl Jung 

Once Johnny, a simpleton, visited a zoo. He was excited seeing all animals and birds in cages. Out of love, he touched animals and spoke to them with great concern. When he came across a tiger, he shouted with joy and wanted to touch him. As he extended his hand, the tiger hit him with his paw. Johnny’s hand was broken and in pain he cried. He was admitted in the hospital for the treatment.

After few months, he was healed of the wound and broken bones, he visited again the same zoo. When he saw the tiger in the cage, he went near and said, “I have forgiven and forgotten what you did to me, now I want to shake hands with you.” And extended his hand, the tiger once again hit him. And again, Johnny was admitted in the hospital.

The doctor who treated him enquired why did he do the same thing again. Johnny replied, “People always told me that I should forgive and forget negative things of others, and I just followed their advice.” The doctor smiled and said to him, “Johnny, people have wrongly advised you, the right thing is ‘Forgive but don’t forget’ ”.

Once he was healed of the broken bones, he went to the tiger and said, “I forgive you for what you did to me, but I will not forget the incident”. This time he did not extend his hand to touch the tiger.

The mind being concerned only with survival, easily does not forget painful experience. That is the reason we do not touch the hot stove. But if we fail to forgive, then life becomes a big burden.

One of the major reasons for people being affected by asthma is their inability to forgive others. Of course we do not include the people who have real medical reason in this category. In hypno-therapy, fantasy exercise is used to cure the asthma patients who do not have medical defect. The following is the process in which the exercise is conducted:

1. Close the eyes and relax by breathing in and out
2. Bring to the mind the person who has done negative thing to you
3. Look at him in the form of his picture (photo) (since you hate him/her, you will be seeing him either in a disfigured form or in a dark and degusting shape)
4. Slowly say the words, I forgive you. (It will be difficult in the first time, take time to utter these words)
5. Send your blessing to him, and sincerely pray for his welfare.
6. Give some positive colors to the picture of that person; make it as clear as possible (If it is difficult, stop the process and return to it at latter time)
7. With increasing number of attempts, you will be able to see his picture in a normal form (dark and disfigured shape will become normal).

The moment you are able see his picture clearly and with normal color, you will immediately experience joy and complete relaxation.

Basically it means that by forgiving, you are not doing any favor to the person whom you hate but you are creating a matured and pleasant self within you. It releases positive energy within you.

Seeing is Believing - VII

Parents, teachers, and friends often tell us that anger is a bad feeling. They point out that only bullies, drunkards, bad boys, and irrational creatures get angry. A good boy or a good girl only smiles.

We continue to perpetuate the myth that matured person who has the wisdom never gets angry. And we look down upon an individual who gets angry.

As already pointed out that anger has a definite purpose, and it the cause of freedom struggles and creative enterprises. If we suppress anger then effectively we suppress our creative instinct.

The real difference between the matured and immature is that the matured person channelizes his anger whereas the immature is consumed by anger and acts impulsively. Anger is a powerful tool, it can create miracles or destroy source of life in the person and his surroundings.

Anger which is transformed can manifest itself in different forms; in case of Buddha it became compassion, in Karl Marks it became social revolution, in Gandhi it became Satyagraha, and in Martin King Luther it became civil right movement. At the same time, in case of terrorists, and other underworld dons, it brings in sufferings and destruction.

In the book ‘The Secret Language of Feelings’, the famous hypnotist Calvin Banyan points out three steps to deal with anger:

    1. Identify the name of the feeling: Angry or any other name for it. Mad, angry, enraged, pissed off, hurt etc.

    2.  Identify  the cause of  the  feeling: As mentioned above, anger comes  from  the  perception  that  something  is  happening  that  is either unfair to oneself or to someone or something I care for. 

    3. Identify a satisfying response: 

              a. Do a reality check: Is your perception of the situation accurate? Is the situation really unfair? Often the answer is no, and that neutralizes the feeling automatically. 

         b. If the situation is really unfair, then make it fair. That is why one experiences the anger. It is a call to make things fair. In this case this is righteous anger. And once we have achieved fairness, anger will subside. 

          c. If we cannot make it fair due to some impossible situation, then we must forgive.