Three Glasses

A man entered the bar and ordered for three glasses of beer. The waiter was surprised, in his long and dedicated service, he had never witnessed one person ordering at a time three glasses of beer. Since the owner had repeatedly instructed that customer is god, he just followed the order. Brought three glasses of beer and placed in front of the man.

Out of curiosity, the waiter asked the question, “Sir, you are alone then why three glasses?”

The man answered, “It is a family union, and  I hate to drink alone. One glass is for my brother living in USA, the second one is for my brother working in Dubai and the third one is for me.”

The waiter was truly impressed. And he admired the bond among brothers. Always he knew that there is a method to madness when it comes to people who love drinking in the bar.

The man repeated the same ritual of ordering three glasses whenever he visited the bar. Then one day, the man ordered two glasses of beer only. The waiter was disturbed and concerned. After serving the two glasses of beer, the waiter inquired, “Hope everything is OK, is there anything wrong with any of your brothers?”

The man in his stoic tone answered, “My brother in USA is doing well and fine. My brother at Dubai is wonderful and in peak of health. I have ordered only two glasses of beer because I have given up drinking”

There is always a method to madness and do not forget there is more than one way in which one can give up drinks.

Pragmatism Vs. Idealism

American presidents, till the arrival of Roosevelt, followed the dictum given by George Washington: let’s mind our business, and not get into the affairs of the world problems. Touch me not was the approach as far as international politics was concerned. Foreign affair is foreign to us. They deliberately worked on this principle since; Brittan was controlling them for a long period of time and they had to wage war to live peacefully. And they did not want to follow the footstep of British in controlling the world which is uncontrollable in any case.

Since then, USA grew in strength and wealth. Then arrived FDR who believed that USA need to interfere with others’ affairs in order to safeguard the interest and security of USA. And adopted the typical Machiavellian approach, participated and dictated terms for other warring countries. He could not motivate fellow Americans since Washington’s idealism still lingered around the minds of the people.

At this time, Woodrow Wilson became the president. He believed in moral idealism and was convinced himself and others that USA has a moral obligation to take part in the international politics. He cleverly interpreted George Washington saying, “When it comes to human issues, nothing is foreign to us and we need to play a vital role in shaping international politics”. Wilson was an academician (professor), so I do give benefit of doubt to his idealism. But when we hear the similar utterances made by people like George Bush (Junior and Senior), the blood pressure goes up.

I can easily live with the pragmatic people like FDR, they are selfish, they know that they are selfish and I know that they are selfish, and also I know that I am selfish, so the game is straight forward. They are predictable and I need to move coins as per the predicament. But living with moralists is very confusing, I just do not know when they will compromise with their idealism, and their game changing move will remain a mystery. This uncertainty can drive any one into the world of craziness.

The story of a Hammer

Watzlawick wrote this short story. A man wants to hang a picture, but has no hammer. He wants to go to his neighbor to borrow one. Then he starts to doubt: perhaps his neighbor won’t give him a hammer. Just yesterday he had given him only a hasty greeting. “He probably has something against me. But I didn’t do anything against him, did I?” The man gradually works himself up into a rage against his repulsive neighbor. Finally he runs over, rings the doorbell, and shouts at the neighbor: “Keep your stupid hammer!”

Trying to solve a problem by oneself is not a bad idea. But imagining a problem and trying to solve it is not a great idea. It will at best make us fool of ourselves and at worst it will take us mental asylum. 

God Speaks

 

Thus spoke God, The Almighty

With compassion and with much concern

To a MBA Student

Who managed to step into the second year

             JLT is a part of Life

             Life is not a part of JLT

            Grade is a part of Learning

            Learning is not a part of Grade

            Placement is a part of Education

            Education is not a part of Placement

But, the Student remained unconvinced

After much deliberation and discussion

He was convinced beyond any confusion

“The God needs a reality check”

Seeing is Believing – VIII

"The shadow is where your personal gold is"
                                                   Carl Jung 

Once Johnny, a simpleton, visited a zoo. He was excited seeing all animals and birds in cages. Out of love, he touched animals and spoke to them with great concern. When he came across a tiger, he shouted with joy and wanted to touch him. As he extended his hand, the tiger hit him with his paw. Johnny’s hand was broken and in pain he cried. He was admitted in the hospital for the treatment.

After few months, he was healed of the wound and broken bones, he visited again the same zoo. When he saw the tiger in the cage, he went near and said, “I have forgiven and forgotten what you did to me, now I want to shake hands with you.” And extended his hand, the tiger once again hit him. And again, Johnny was admitted in the hospital.

The doctor who treated him enquired why did he do the same thing again. Johnny replied, “People always told me that I should forgive and forget negative things of others, and I just followed their advice.” The doctor smiled and said to him, “Johnny, people have wrongly advised you, the right thing is ‘Forgive but don’t forget’ ”.

Once he was healed of the broken bones, he went to the tiger and said, “I forgive you for what you did to me, but I will not forget the incident”. This time he did not extend his hand to touch the tiger.

The mind being concerned only with survival, easily does not forget painful experience. That is the reason we do not touch the hot stove. But if we fail to forgive, then life becomes a big burden.

One of the major reasons for people being affected by asthma is their inability to forgive others. Of course we do not include the people who have real medical reason in this category. In hypno-therapy, fantasy exercise is used to cure the asthma patients who do not have medical defect. The following is the process in which the exercise is conducted:

1. Close the eyes and relax by breathing in and out
2. Bring to the mind the person who has done negative thing to you
3. Look at him in the form of his picture (photo) (since you hate him/her, you will be seeing him either in a disfigured form or in a dark and degusting shape)
4. Slowly say the words, I forgive you. (It will be difficult in the first time, take time to utter these words)
5. Send your blessing to him, and sincerely pray for his welfare.
6. Give some positive colors to the picture of that person; make it as clear as possible (If it is difficult, stop the process and return to it at latter time)
7. With increasing number of attempts, you will be able to see his picture in a normal form (dark and disfigured shape will become normal).

The moment you are able see his picture clearly and with normal color, you will immediately experience joy and complete relaxation.

Basically it means that by forgiving, you are not doing any favor to the person whom you hate but you are creating a matured and pleasant self within you. It releases positive energy within you.

Seeing is Believing - VII

Parents, teachers, and friends often tell us that anger is a bad feeling. They point out that only bullies, drunkards, bad boys, and irrational creatures get angry. A good boy or a good girl only smiles.

We continue to perpetuate the myth that matured person who has the wisdom never gets angry. And we look down upon an individual who gets angry.

As already pointed out that anger has a definite purpose, and it the cause of freedom struggles and creative enterprises. If we suppress anger then effectively we suppress our creative instinct.

The real difference between the matured and immature is that the matured person channelizes his anger whereas the immature is consumed by anger and acts impulsively. Anger is a powerful tool, it can create miracles or destroy source of life in the person and his surroundings.

Anger which is transformed can manifest itself in different forms; in case of Buddha it became compassion, in Karl Marks it became social revolution, in Gandhi it became Satyagraha, and in Martin King Luther it became civil right movement. At the same time, in case of terrorists, and other underworld dons, it brings in sufferings and destruction.

In the book ‘The Secret Language of Feelings’, the famous hypnotist Calvin Banyan points out three steps to deal with anger:

    1. Identify the name of the feeling: Angry or any other name for it. Mad, angry, enraged, pissed off, hurt etc.

    2.  Identify  the cause of  the  feeling: As mentioned above, anger comes  from  the  perception  that  something  is  happening  that  is either unfair to oneself or to someone or something I care for. 

    3. Identify a satisfying response: 

              a. Do a reality check: Is your perception of the situation accurate? Is the situation really unfair? Often the answer is no, and that neutralizes the feeling automatically. 

         b. If the situation is really unfair, then make it fair. That is why one experiences the anger. It is a call to make things fair. In this case this is righteous anger. And once we have achieved fairness, anger will subside. 

          c. If we cannot make it fair due to some impossible situation, then we must forgive.

Seeing is Believing- VI

What makes me happy? , What makes me sad? , What makes me angry? , What am I afraid of? , Which situations make me lose control?  Why?

Answering these questions without any justification, without any fear is a healthy exercise, the more we do better our life will be. 

Even if we want to, we can’t run away from our feelings. In fact, it is these emotions which give us the proof that we are alive. It is our emotions which are original, and we can have copy right over them. All other things – ideas, vision, beliefs, convictions, and rituals etc. – are borrowed and brainwashed products.

There are four basic emotions; all others are derivative of these fundamental emotions. Anger/Fear, Joy, Sorrow and Sex are the primitive, and the most original emotions. Fear and Anger are made up of the same stuff; they are the two sides of the same coin.

Every feeling has a definite purpose, if we are not aware of the purpose; we end up satisfying that feeling with wrong things. It may give some relief for some time, but eventually it will take its toll on us. For example, I feel lonely and I try to compensate it by watching a movie will be a stupid move, Kareena kapoor is not going to alleviate the loneliness. It may give temporary satisfaction, but it will grow stronger and will haunt me forever. Some people deal with loneliness by buying a dog (in USA, it is very common) and others by eating ice-cream or chocolate or pizza (at XIM, it is common).

There are eight so called bad feelings which are commonly experience by us:

Fear: It is a voice in you saying “I feel something bad might happen”.  

Stress: I feel that there is too much to do.   

Anger:  Something  is  happening  that  is  unfair  towards  me  or someone or something I care about.    

Sadness:  I have lost some someone or something that is important to me.   

Boredom: I do not have enough challenge in my life.   

Loneliness: I need more meaningful relationships.  

Guilt:  I have done something that is unfair to someone.    

Inadequacy: I feel that there is something wrong with me. 

The function of our feelings is not making our life miserable. They indicate what is good for our survival on this planet. Our brain cares little about our happiness but obsessed with our survival. Our brain was hard-wired when we were living in forest which was a hostile place for living. So it looks after our safety and it uses feelings to communicate with us. If we do not deal with our feeling as per its purpose, it will lead us to the secondary emotion which is known as ‘Frustration’. And if we continue to remain in the state of frustration without addressing the primary feeling, then we will be rewarded with tertiary feeling ‘Depression’.

Up to secondary level, things are within our control, if we manage to reach the third level then we need some self proclaimed expert’s help, of course he or she will charge for the help they provide.

Seeing is Believing – V

What gets registered in the mind is not in our control. Whatever happens to us, around us, impressed us and depressed us, everything gets stored in our mind. Mind is a non discriminating clerk, without bias it accumulates all things – good, bad, ugly.

That is the reason; mind is called by some sages as a garbage-bin. Every house needs a garbage-bin; otherwise, the house will stink in no times. But if we start living in garbage-bin, our life can become miserable.

Eric Berne compares the modern man’s life style with the man in the cesspool, dirt is up to his lower-lip, and ecstatically he is saying, “I am comfortable, just don’t make waves.” This is what happens when we have converted garbage-bin as our living room.

One cannot tackle the problems created by the mind by being in the mind and by associating with mind. One cannot overcome worries, anxieties, fears and frustrations. One must dissociate oneself from the mind, stepping out of the mind is a necessary condition to observe and make the corrective steps. It is here, the fantasy exercises play a vital role.

J.Krishnamurthy talks about the importance of ‘oberserving the observer’. In the sentence ‘I know myself’, ‘Myself’ is the object and ‘I’ is the subject. ‘I’, the subject observes ‘Myself’ the object. Therefore, ‘I’ is the observer, and when that observer is being observed, one is able to dissociate from the mind to some extent. This state of being is called ‘dissociation’. Let’s not get into hair-splitting analysis of further layers of dissociation, it may lead to paralysis. Getting out of oneself and looking the self objectively brings in new dimension of self-knowledge.

Visual Picture - -->      Feelings   ---->      Behavior

The dynamic process of a behavior being caused is rather simple. Mind first sees a picture visually, and it creates the accompanying feelings and in turn it causes the associated behavior.

So if one wants to bring changes in the behavior, the starting point is bringing changes in the visual image his mind produces.

For example, if a person is suffering from public speaking phobia, he invariable sees a frightening visual image as soon as he steps on the stage. One person with this phobia reported that he sees that all audiences are staring at him with wide open eyes; all eyes are popping up and looking at him. Certainly it is a scary situation to be in. This visual creates the feelings of anxiety and nervousness, so his behavior becomes one of running away or fainting.

So if you want to change the behavior, easiest way is to change the visual.

Seeing is Believing-IV

What is common among: Neuro-linguistic-programming, Native American Shamans, Hypno-therapy, Transcendental Meditation, Third wave behaviorists, Sadhana of Antony Demello and Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev?

All of them effectively make use of fantasy exercise. First seeing things in mind (believing and in the virtual world), then realizing them in real world (in the material world). Fantasy exercise is nothing but day-dreaming with a mission.

All of us enjoy day dreaming. I don’t think that I would have gone through long years of education without the help of day dreaming. I could pass through schools and colleges without breaking down or without any serious mental depression, just because of day dreaming. Boring lectures and unwanted books could not damage me because I was not listening to them.

I never bunked a class mainly for two reasons; (1) I did not have the guts and (2) I made use of them for day dreaming.

In fact, day dreaming is the biggest shield against the inevitable mundane and repetitive activities in our life. The biggest gift of day dreaming is that you can do anything you want without being caught. Police can’t arrest, the judge won’t punish and parents will have no clue about what we are up to.

But for our mind, there is no difference between fantasy and reality. Whether you are looking at a dog on a street or remembering a dog in the fantasy, it is same neurons which get activated in the brain. So the unconscious mind creates opportunities to fulfill whatever we see in the mind, provided there is a burning desire and intensity connected with the fantasy we visualize.

Following steps are the effective ways to create the result we want in our life. Take time and go through the steps seriously, it takes less than 15 minutes in the first time, repeat it twice a day for three days, after that just once a day till you achieve what you want. When you repeat the exercise, it will take less than three minutes only.

Step 1: Know what is that you truly want. It can be a short term goal or a long term need. First you take a short term goal for the exercise. Once you get it successfully, you can go for a long term or bigger goal and do the exercise. About  a  hundred  years  ago  Dr  Wallace Wattles  said  “Thought  is  the  only  power  which  can  produce tangible  riches  from  the  Formless  Substance”. His idea is still valid.

Step 2: Train your mind to think in a correct way. Doubts regarding what you want will arise in the mind. The subconscious mind will put forward all types of arguments, since it retains everything that has happened to you. Do not suppress them, do not reject them, and do not accept them, all you have to do is observe them without any judgment. Then focus yourself on what you want.

Step 3: Write down on a clear piece of paper your definite mission statement:  what  do  you  want,  by  what  time  do  you  want  and how do you plan  to achieve  it. Be as precise as possible.  If you want a 10 lakh rupees,  write “I am going to accumulate 10 lakh rupees by  31^st,   December  20--,  I  am  going  to  earn  this  money  (by doing)…  I  am  going  to  use  this  money…  (for  making  my  life better  or  helping  other  people  etc)…  And  I  am  going  to  do whatever it takes, no matter what to accumulate this money.”

If you do not know the way in which you are going get the money, do not worry, just keep it aside. As days pass by, your mind will eventually come up with the right strategy.

Then create a  detailed,  solid,  foolproof  plan  on  how  you  are going  to  achieve  your mission  statement. Remember when  you make  a  definite  decision  to  bring  about  a  change  backed  by  a burning  desire,  you  are  only  tapping  into  a  strong  current  of infinite possibilities. The whole universe will conspire to help you but you will need to have a detailed and organized plan on how you wish to bring about this change. A detailed plan will give you the mental road map of where your destination is going to be. It will also give you a reality check on whether you are truly making progress or simply going about in circles.  Have  a  time  frame, have  a  clear  vision  of  your  outcome,  and  chart  a  step  by  step road map  on  how  to  get  there.

Step 4: you accept and believe that whatever you want to have already happened and thank your higher spiritual power for that (Can be God or Nature or anybody – parents, mentors). When you do this, visualize the goal as if you have received it. Make it more colorful, see yourself rejoicing.

Step 5: Write down on the diary regarding what is your emotional state today, what have you done, what were the successes, what were the failures, how does today fit into your overall mission of reaching your goal?

Seeing is Believing - III

“When  we  walk  to  the  edge  of  all  the  light  that  we  have  and  take  a  step  into  the darkness of the unknown, we must believe one of two things will happen: there will be something solid for us to stand on, or we will be taught to fly”
                    - Frank Outlaw

It is time to revisit the Spinoza’s claim ‘Seeing is Believing’ and reframe it as ‘Believing is Seeing’.

The king was sitting on his decorated chariot, and the annual procession of the king started. Millions of people gathered on the roadsides and were shouting slogans in the praise of the king.

A young man, with his friend, too came to participate in the procession. Witnessing the majestic appearance of the king, he wanted to get his attention, hence he shouted, “Oh, mighty king, I can teach your horses to fly”. Somehow the king managed to listen to this outrageous statement.

The next day, the king ordered his solders to find that young man and to bring him to the palace. The young man along with his friend was presented to the king. The king said, “I am happy to know that you can teach my horses to fly, here is my horse, teach it to fly”. The young man without any hesitation approached the horse and inspected it, then answered, “My Lord, you need to give me eight months for the training, after the eighth month, your horse will indeed fly like an eagle”.

The king scrutinized him for a while, then said, “Well young man, if you make my horse to fly, I will reward you with gifts. If you fail, then you will be beheaded for wasting my time”

The young man thanked the king for granting a chance to exhibit his talents. And he departed from the palace happily with king’s horse. His friend was agitated and furious, “Are you serious, how you are going to fulfill your word to the king? You are going to be beheaded after 8 months.”

The young man answered, “Friend we have 8 months in our favor. Who knows what will happen in 8 months. The king looks old, he may die. The horse too looks old, it may die. Or who knows the horse may indeed learn to fly”.

This is the story that illuminates the approach, “Believing is Seeing”. The following are the three basic cognitive tenets one cultivates within one’s believe system:

1. I am more than what I am. There is no written script which my life follows, but I am the author who is writing the script of my life.

2. I think and I create what I think.

3. The thought is the potentiality, and the burning desire (focused attention) + the willingness to pay the necessary price (willingness to face any tests) are the actualizing agents.

Seeing is Believing - II

‘Reality is the manifestation of our consciousnesses. It is the choices we make create our personal world. We either make the choices consciously or unconsciously. If we make it consciously, what we want happens. If we are lazy, then our unconscious mind makes the choices with its own version of fear and anxieties. And for ever we can blame the luck and other factors for our joy or sufferings.

Richard Bandler gives the analogy of bus for working of our consciousness. Driver is like conscious mind and the bus is the unconscious mind. If driver is asleep, then the bus will go to any place it wants and most of the time, the journey will be from one accident to the other. Of course sometimes it may prove to be pleasant accidents, and we will call it luck and invoke almighty for his blessings. But the bus where the driver is asleep is a dangerous way of living. Most of us live our life in this pathetic manner.

Another analogy is the child in a room with all kinds of paints and painting materials. The child can pour the paint all along, on himself or on the wall, scribbling everywhere. By mistake, sometimes it may look good, mostly it will be unorganized chaotic strokes. But if in the place of child, a master painter is present, he will end up creating master pieces.

Three essential things to take charge of my life are listed below:

1.   Recognition that my life is in a mess. Without any justification, and without any rationalization, when I look into my life, what I find is that I am moving through the whims of pain, sorrow, anxiety and jealousy. Constantly trying to prove and compete with everybody and nobody. Few words of appreciation or rejection change my entire mood and emotional balance. It is the sign that my life is in a mess.

2.   Just like the child, it is I who created this mess. Except me nobody is responsible for my miseries and heartache. I cannot put the blame on anyone – be it my parents, friends and communities or any kind of associations. Related with blood or filth, it is not others who managed to mess my life. It is I and only I who is responsible for the mess that is my life.

3.   Since I could create the mess, I only can clean up the mess with proper understanding and discipline. The child has the potentiality to become a master painter, provided it is willing to take steps to sharpen the skills present in him. If one can truly understand the point one and two, the third flows automatically. Though the third point looks very intimidating, in fact it is the easiest part, provided we sincerely want to create the life of our choice. Unfortunately this is the only short cut we have to move forward.

Seeing is Believing - I

“Seeing is believing”, that’s what Spinoza said long back, that is what most of us believe in our day to day life.

Harry Houdini, the master magician always believed in the maxim that what the eyes see, ears hear, mind believes. He called it the misdirection, and it is the secrete of all his magic. The mediocre mind gets distracted and feels comfortable in the reality that is visible and audible. It gets some kind of security and certainty and a sense of illusionary control over the situations. And they remain the victim of outside reality, who ever can shout louder and with attractive visual image can take control over their existence.

It is this reality that separates mind of extraordinary from the mediocre. In other words, ‘seeing is believing’ is the vision directed from the external factors, where as ‘believing is seeing’ is the approach taken by any internally directed person.

Internally directed species live either in mental asylum or become the leaders who run this world or end up inventing and discovering new things beyond imagination.

‘Believing is seeing’ is the dictum that gives real control over our life and in the conditions that manifest in and around us. Change the believe system, you will change the outcomes. Albert Elis called it the “Rational Emotive Therapy”. And Paulo  Coelho  says  “when  you  truly  want  something,  the whole  unseen  universe  conspires  to  help  you  in  achieving  it”

Why do we want to live like animals, when we can live like god? Why do we settle down for mediocre existence, when we can be anything we want? Why do we accept the given reality and remain frustrated and bored, when we can redefine the reality?

Cold

‘Getting cold’ is certainly an irritating state of affair. It can make life miserable. The problem in having cold is that everyone thinks that it is a minor sickness and one can’t complain about it, if you do then you will be accused of making mountain out of molehill.

I have cold, at this time of uncomfortable existence, a story come to the mind.

Once a young lady was suffering from severe cold and went to the doctor for treatment. The doctor too prescribed some medicine. The lady faithfully consumed the bitter medicine, but nothing was improving, waited for a day or two, and there was no improvement, things were going from bad to worse.

Suffering turned into anger and she went to the doctor and shouted at him, “Are you a real doctor? The medicine you gave me was absolutely useless. Did you prescribe medicine for cure the cold or to increase it? You should be ashamed of calling yourself as a doctor. Better return the medical college and study properly.”

The doctor remained quiet, finally he told her, “Young lady, what you should do is: go home and take bath in cold water, and without drying yourself go to the bed room and switch on AC, keep it at maximum cool, switch on the fan too if you have one in the bed room. Remain in that condition for an hour.”

The lady was perplexed hearing the new prescription and said to the doctor, “Will it cure me of cold?”

The doctor answered, “No, but you will get pneumonia and I know how to cure pneumonia.”

As the old saying goes; if you take medicine you get cured of cold in seven days, if you don’t take medicine it takes one week. ‘Getting cold’ is a time of grace, it teaches us to be patient. And it offers a valid and convincing reason for drinking brandy.

Camel

Rajnikanth and Jeyalalitha are known for telling short stories. At one time Rajni narrated this story of camel (I think that he has picked it from Zen stories).

In a zoo, a baby camel complained about his body feature to the mother camel. My legs are so long and it is uncomfortable to sit and to walk, the lips and jaw are so thick and rough, it looks so ugly and chewing of food is so difficult, and the stomach is so big and the hump is so heavy that moving  around is a burdensome.

The mother camel answered with patient and compassion. Our features are very special and it helps us to survive in the desert. With short legs one cannot walk in the desert, long legs give us the advantage of walking fast in the desert. In the desert we find rarely food and water, our big stomach helps us to store water and the hump stores up the fat, and we can survive for many days without food and water. In the desert, whatever plants exist, they contain thorns and our lips and jaw help us to eat those leaves. You should not be complaining about our features, rather we must be grateful.

The baby camel mulled over the explanation for some times and then asked his mother, “If that is so, why are living in the zoo?” The mother camel had no answer and went into deep depression.

This story is not about camels in the zoo, but a statement made on the life style of human beings. We lost the tail, because of the under usage, time will come when we will lose brain, since it is also underused to a greater extent.